The day before New Year's Evening

Was a big shock. To me. To my family. And even to my neighbors.
Around past 9 PM last night when I saw a couple of people swamping around the corner of our village looking so nervously and shocked. And when I realized it was Richard who were lying in the cement floor in front of my neighbor's house, unconscious and his head was bleeding , I started shaking and my tears began to flow.

I don't know what happened to him and all I want to do was to take him to the nearest hospital that moment.

It hurts to see the you love get hurt and all wound up.

A foul play was done to him. And we still do not know what happened..


A not-so-good thing to end the year.

I would never let that happen again, ever.

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No matter how down life gets you, remember that once you hit rock-bottom, the only way to go is up. 

- Unknown

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Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Merrier..

It wasn't easy to have a merrier Christmas. When all you got to do was to please them with service 'cause you have nothing to give. And I wish I have..

All I want is a merrier Christmas! It just equal to happiness and peace.. :'(

Should I end my Christmas eve like that? Totally used up, tired inside out and hoping that one day all these miseries will end.

It's just.. Unfair.

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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

- Henry David Thoreau

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Merry Christmas!

2012..

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The day before Christmas

I.. completed Simbang Gabi again this year. And early this morning was the last day. I would like to see Father every Sunday by next year if my schedule will allow me.

How's everyone from the corner of the globe? Doing good? Getting well?

Me? I'm not. I'm getting worse and worse every minute and my health isn't as stable as it was compared to the last 2 months. Every week is a hell full of medicines.

Interesting thing that'll gonna happen today is that I'll gonna cook our handa for the Noche Buena! And.. a bundle of barbeque and pork chops to grill later! WTH.

But I'm too sleepy to do those things.. Arg!

I wish.. We could be together just for this Christmas evening. An evening with you when the 12 o'clock ticks tonight is a dream.. God, I'm crying. I wish you could please grant my wishes.

:'(

To simply be there; Not to fix anything or do anything in particular, but just to let us feel we are supported and cared about..

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.. Because it is all about standing still when everything around you is falling apart.

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SL

How lucky a person can be?

I was looking for a job and.. accepted right away. Today. And would be starting tomorrow afternoon. Yay. :)

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“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” 

― Jim Morrison

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2nd Dawn

I think I've been awake ever since we've moved in here in our new house. That I've never drifted to sleep at all. And it was a roller coaster ride, again.

I was thinking and hoping maybe, just maybe, I could end this year with a good closure of what had happened the whole 12 months of 2012 but then, it's just December 17. There will be millions of moments to happen before 2013 will take over.

I found these things while wandering right now. That..

1. Simbang Gabi or Misa De Gallo isn't about waking up in the wee hours of the morning, going to church, trying to listen to the sermon, or buying the cheapest Puto Bumbong or Bibingka you'll see in the side walks. Or trying to complete the 9 Days just so you can make a wish after completing it, as for the telltale says.
I guess it is about going to church sincerely and having a good talk with our Lord. In fact, going to church is a lot harder and risky nowadays. Especially for me; I'm alone and it's like a hundred kilometers to walk. But the sincerity to go to our Lord's house, listening and putting every words to life. And being this closer than ever to God. :)

2. That you only have one life to give, to spend and to lose. So spend your precious time only with the people worth spending for. People that you deserve to be with. People who truly loves you, unconditionally.

3. That.. The end of the world is just on the other corner of our minds! Right? And if this would be the last week of our borrowed lives, I'd rather be in love, have a good rest and once and for all, have a decent job. :D


If I would be ask if 2012 is a lucky year for me.. I could say, whatever had happened this year, may it be good or bad was a blessing. ^^

I lost a lot of opportunities, sanity, love, dreams and intangible things can't be taken back. But I AM still hoping that however I have been scarcely used up, I am and will be still living freely, inside and out. :)

I wish it would be a happy ending.

Oh! Got to go to church.. alone. Later.. :]

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“It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” 

― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

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“Promise Yourself...

To be so strong that nothing

can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity

to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel

that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything

and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,

and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others

as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past

and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times

and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself

that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,

and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,

not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side

so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 

― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

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“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” 

― Mahatma Gandhi

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Depression 0.2

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“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,

Love like you'll never be hurt,

Sing like there's nobody listening,

And live like it's heaven on earth.” 

― William W. Purkey

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Make It Happen

It's just 7:49 AM in my computer's clock but my mind have already wandered half the globe!
I can't wait for Winnie to arrive home tonight. Or maybe tomorrow..

My body's getting well a little. A good sign that I can go out next week. I only have a single week to do this urgent matter because 2013 is already approaching.

Mom said that this computer is sick, too. Hehe. I've been here in front of the monitor since Wednesday morning and we're kinda inseparable. ^^
I miss wasting my time here, wasting electricity and doing nothing here. :D

I learned that Escuela Taller De Intramuros's Christmas party would be tonight and unfortunately, I can't be there because I'm here. No, I  could never be there because I quit school for a reason.

School. Someday, somehow, I'll be able to finish it. Even if it would take me a lifetime.

Love. I can't believe what have I done because of love. And all I know is that Love will always equal to War.

Home. We're getting along just fine. Maybe because of the holiday atmosphere?

Health. I wish I'm a little healthier and have more RBC! Haha.. Two consecutive days of nose bleeding is fine as per my doctor said but a week of nose bleeding, recurring bruises and endless fever and cold.. Is a sign of low immune system. And I wasn't surprise to know that I was sick. Haha.. I was. Even before. And I basically hate hospitals. And don't want to spend another Christmas there.

Section PAMANA.. Goodluck! A little team work could be the key to success! :)

I wish I was there.

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Happy birthday Pakner! ^^

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Still Cold

I was with Jhara since early this morning and we still share this cold silence here in my bedroom. I just don't know what to say to her. I can't speak much because of this high fever and yet, here I am, typing. AHAHAHA. :D

So selfish sister.

I made a huge mistake I should never done and I AM so disappointed to myself for doing that.
Mourning. Regretting..

Flash report:
I woke up just this late afternoon from deep sleep when my mother knocked on my door telling me this.. This sad news that my Aunt Criselda, Criselyn's mother, died yesterday. Hayy, and Criselyn can't be contacted.

So much for today. I still haven't take some rest. I have to get well soon because of urgent matters to finish. >_<


Crazy afternoon, world! :]

Acceptance.

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Something to be proud of. ^^

*PEN*

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12.12.12

I've been talking about this date ever since I could remember.. Last February?
I invited my friends Frances and Rowena to have a special girls-date on that date because we feel that spending time with each other would strengthen our relationships as girl friends and it would be worth going out since this special date would never come around again ever.

But here we are living this day and here I am in front of my computer, inside our house, with high fever, flu and cold altogether we share this day inside my room. For what? Celebrating this very day because.. Because I just feel so alive and loved today.

I woke up past 5 AM early this day to make my little brother's lunch. I am assigned to cook Mike's lunch because no one will. And I remembered that I promised to make my love Richard his lunch, too.

Ever experienced crying in front of a lunch box in as early as 6 AM before?
I did.
Not because I was so upset or angry but because I feel so loved and at the same time hopeful yet we are helpless. I cried because I so wanted to do those things to the one I love and wanted to give it to him in front of them but then, I couldn't. Because we are not allowed to do so.

But I still feel the love and being in love and don't want to let go of it.
We just want to be accepted and respected, too.

So please, give us your precious blessings.


***

We are going to stay like this until I can finally move out. With him, of course. :)
I'm going to fight and stay loyal and faithful to you, no matter what.
We are going to be free someday, we just have to wait.

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12.12.12

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Taking Over 

 Funny how this Doom's Day is getting in every people's nerves. Even me.

Starting today, I'll  be able to put more updated posts since my schedule now permits me to waste some of my valuable time. Hihi.

First, there are happening that I badly wanted to share for the past four grueling months.
Second, I missed to share the happiest and worst days of those four months that are worth sharing.
And third, I'm not going to abandon this blog.. for God's sake! =D

So how's everybody? This is the first time I'll be in front of my computer again. FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS. 2013 will soon take over our fears unless it is really our end this coming December 21. :( Oh no!
Anyway, if that'll happens, then I'm going to put more posts and pictures of me. :D

For the third time ONLY this year, we moved to BF Almanza from Pilar, still in Las Piñas last October 4. And my family's still in the process of thinking of MOVING OUT again. They probably don't like the outside place. This place is by far the quietest and creepiest place I've been to. We've been to. 

The thrilling part is that I found love in this creepy place. And this creepy place became our little love nest. ♥

But then, there are these outside factors that keeps on separating us apart. Hmp.

But we will be as strong as concrete. :D

Oh, and.. it was my decision to quit school unwillingly due to so many personal reasons.
So many things happened for the first time but I know, I'll be able to endure them. ^^


2013.. Hello! :)

2nd

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I'll fight and win this battle until the end.

________________

Escuela Taller De Intramuros

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Payphone

Maroon 5

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?

Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember,

The people we used to be...

It's even harder to picture,

That you're not here next to me.

You say it's too late to make it,

But is it too late to try?

And in our time that you wasted

All of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights,

You turned out the lights

Now I'm paralyzed,

Still stuck in that time,

When we called it love,

But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?

If "Happy Ever After" did exist,

I would still be holding you like this

All those fairy tales are full of shit

One more stupid love song, I'll be sick

Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow

'Cause you forgot yesterday.

I gave you my love to borrow,

But you just gave it away.

You can't expect me to be fine,

I don't expect you to care

I know I've said it before,

But all of my bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights,

You turned out the lights

Now I'm paralyzed,

Still stuck in that time,

When we called it love,

But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?

If "Happy Ever After" did exist,

I would still be holding you like this

All those fairy tales are full of shit

One more stupid love song, I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone

[Wiz Khalifa:]

Man, fuck that shit 

I'll be out spending all this money

While you're sitting round wondering

Why it wasn't you who came up from nothing,

Made it from the bottom

Now when you see me I'm stunning,

And all of my cars start with a push of a button

Telling me the chances I blew up

Or whatever you call it,

Switch the number to my phone

So you never could call it,

Don't need my name on my shirt,

You can tell it I'm ballin.

Swish, what a shame could have got picked

Had a really good game but you missed your last shot

So you talk about who you see at the top

Or what you could have saw but sad to say it's over for.

Phantom pulled up valet open doors

Wiz like go away, got what you was looking for

Now it's me who they want, so you can go and take

that little piece of shit with you.

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?

If "Happy Ever After" did exist,

I would still be holding you like this

All those fairy tales are full of shit

One more stupid love song, I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone...

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