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26 August 2012
Trials
It has been more than 2 weeks since we MOVED OUT and MOVED IN -- to another house. God, please help us.
I can't seem to understand any of these but I am still enduring every minute of until my body and mind collapse. Until then.
That's why I wasn't able to update this blog with something meaty to share. Moving out and in and out and in to another house was kind of horrible thing to do. Tiring. Even my stuffs were kind of missing. Until then.
It has been more than 2 weeks since we MOVED OUT and MOVED IN -- to another house. God, please help us.
I can't seem to understand any of these but I am still enduring every minute of until my body and mind collapse. Until then.
That's why I wasn't able to update this blog with something meaty to share. Moving out and in and out and in to another house was kind of horrible thing to do. Tiring. Even my stuffs were kind of missing. Until then.
As if we've never been there at all.
That's all I can say.
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18 August 2012
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17 August 2012
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16 August 2012
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15 August 2012
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How long is the distance between understanding and misunderstanding somebody?
Just because you love somebody that doesn't mean you can understand everything.
And just because you try, doesn't mean everything can be understood. There are so many hearts that try to understand and try to be understood.
But where are they wandering?
___________________________
14 August 2012
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13 August 2012
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I'm not sure if I'd ever posted this here but when I was scanning my FB posts yesterday, I saw this:
I want you to see me cry. And I want you to see me smile. I want you to know that I'm so ignorant, I don't even know anything about alcohol. I don't smoke; you do but it's okay. I want you to see me in all sweats with dirty feet. I want you to see my very worst so you will never expect anything more.. and I want you to know.. that behind all those lies.. what I said was true..
______________________
HABAGAT
Do we always need to make a post regarding typhoons here? Every Pinoy blogs that I knew of have this kind of post. And this typhoon would be listed here for sure.
Destroyed millions of properties, killed so many civilians and leaving thousands of families homeless. This typhoon is the long-lost brother of ONDOY. From August 5 to August 9, heavy rain and freezing nights brought to us by this typhoon. And I'm really speechless.
I have nothing to offer but pity. It's when I want to extend my hands and help, but I can't. All I can do is sit in front of the television, watch the news and silently send my prayers to the victims.
I'm sorry.
The pictures and videos that are showed in the news are heartbreaking..
Do we always need to make a post regarding typhoons here? Every Pinoy blogs that I knew of have this kind of post. And this typhoon would be listed here for sure.
Destroyed millions of properties, killed so many civilians and leaving thousands of families homeless. This typhoon is the long-lost brother of ONDOY. From August 5 to August 9, heavy rain and freezing nights brought to us by this typhoon. And I'm really speechless.
I have nothing to offer but pity. It's when I want to extend my hands and help, but I can't. All I can do is sit in front of the television, watch the news and silently send my prayers to the victims.
I'm sorry.
The pictures and videos that are showed in the news are heartbreaking..
#PrayforthePhilippines
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11 August 2012
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Change
Carrie Underwood
What'cha gonna do with the 36 cents
Sticky with Coke on your floorboard
When a woman on the street is huddled in the cold
On a sidewalk vent trying to keep warm
Do you call her over hand her the change
Ask her a story ask her her name
Or do you tell yourself
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
What'cha gonna do when you're watching t.v.
And an ad comes on
Yeah you know the kind
Flashin' up pictures of a child in need
For a dime a day you can save a life
Do you call the number reach out a hand
Or do you change the channel call it a scam
Or do you tell yourself
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is alive
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
The worlds so big it could break your heart
And you just wanna help
But not sure where to start
so you close your eyes
Send up a prayer into the dark
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is alive
Don't you listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
______________________
10 August 2012
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07 August 2012
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Burn Out
Block B
BURN(BURN)OUT(OUT) A broken heart, BURN(BURN)OUT(OUT) My heart is crying
BURN(BURN)OUT(OUT) The fight has begun, time is up now, throw the dice
I don’t wanna stop that, Gonna make you drop that
Gonna make you drop Gonna make you drop drop drop…………
I don’t wanna stop that, Gonna make you drop that
Gonna make you drop Gonna make you drop drop drop…………
Hidden voice, switched front and back, broken gaze stops at that spot
Masked lies and the truth that cuts deep will irrevocably become sadness
I’m suffocating, why did I somehow come here, I don’t know why
Can’t hastily go to sleep, eyes opened from waking up in fury
The world didn’t throw me away, I just didn’t choose it I’m done
A heart burned by aching wounds, please tell me where this is
Words that are filled with hurt hearts, now throw me into the world
A heart that collided with frozen time, please tell me who I am
The destiny I can’t return to, now throw me into the world
I don’t wanna stop that, Gonna make you drop that
Gonna make you drop Gonna make you drop drop drop…………
Difficult struggles, pieced up memory, cracked fingertips stop at that spot
Veiled lies and embellished hypocrisy will irrevocably grow larger on its own
Walk on my two legs alone, stand up even if I fall down
My heart beats faster and my pupils becomes smaller
Take off the armor that you wore because of the world
The only friend life left me with is loneliness NO DOUBT!
A heart burned by aching wounds, please tell me where this is
Words that are filled with hurt hearts, now throw me into the world
A heart that collided with frozen time, please tell me who I am
The destiny I can’t return to, now throw me into the world
Illuminate my feet, stop this sadness, the last breath that will all disappear
what you gonna do, what you gonna do, don’t avoid me now
A heart burned by aching wounds, please tell me where this is
Words that are filled with hurt hearts, now throw me into the world
A heart that collided with frozen time, please tell me who I am
The destiny I can’t return to, now throw me into the world
Burned everything to white, so the regret won’t hold me back
Erased everything to black, so the attachment won’t rush back
_____________________
My dearest me,
Today is going to be a tough one right? Every one is busy and you will either find yourself packing your own stuff or sleeping right now. Either way, one will lose something.
I want to congratulate you for making it this year. Being the weakest, you still manage to dance in the night with that body of yours. I know, I know it's so hard. Just endure it. Endure it until they give up.
You haven't taken your medicine for more than three months. It's not a good thing but you've gone well from last week's fever.
Always be strong inside, no matter what. There will be a heck of a mountains waiting for you to climb. So be strong and live by the day.
I love you.
Be healthy.
And wishing you a peaceful birthday today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLEINE!
♥,
Me. ^^
Today is going to be a tough one right? Every one is busy and you will either find yourself packing your own stuff or sleeping right now. Either way, one will lose something.
I want to congratulate you for making it this year. Being the weakest, you still manage to dance in the night with that body of yours. I know, I know it's so hard. Just endure it. Endure it until they give up.
You haven't taken your medicine for more than three months. It's not a good thing but you've gone well from last week's fever.
Always be strong inside, no matter what. There will be a heck of a mountains waiting for you to climb. So be strong and live by the day.
I love you.
Be healthy.
And wishing you a peaceful birthday today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLEINE!
♥,
Me. ^^
*****
Sometimes you just know when it is time to go.
_________________________
Just Another Day
I woke up this morning with severe back pain. I don't know where did I got this, all I know is that another typhoon had invaded us last night and our President had already declared that there will be "No Classes Today For All Preschool to College Students AND Half-Day For All Government and Private Employees".
So the entire nation are now celebrating for this ONE-DAY-HOLIDAY-LIKE-COLD DAY all brought to us by this.. What was this typhoon's name? Anyway, whether I get up from my bed or not, there will be nothing than stare at my window habit for today. Oh..
And today is my birthday.
Happy Cold Birthday to me.. ^^
Maybe because I am getting old. Yes. We are getting old. That's why people in our little house have maybe forgotten that today is my birthday. No greetings so far from them, except from my unknown friends in Facebook. I should give credit Facebook here. Because of this social networking site, my D-day isn't so bad, after all.
I am planning to go to church today. And maybe wear a red shirt. So people would come to me and greet me 'Happy Birthday' though they don't really know that today is my birthday. People are like that. When you wear a red shirt or something, people will automatically assume that today is your birthday. And the basis for this is that you wore a red shirt. Means for 'good luck' and 'blessings'. Hmmm.
This plan was already written in my bucket list. Like a challenge. In fact, the whole challenge is "Go to church on my birthday, wear a red shirt, and listen my most-favorite song THERE."
I got up from my bed and looked at the mirror for some signs of changes. Nothing. I still look like before. Just another ugly girl from thousands of ugly people in this world. And it was so cold. I looked at my finger toes and found them dying from coldness. I'll soon get hypothermia or something from this coldness. I went to the nearest cupboard and take a pair of black socks and wore them. In this times when I think of telling my mother to buy a centralized heater. But then, why a household from a tropical country use a heater when soon, one of these days, it will get warm. But still, 'ber'-months are already approaching and I'll be dead before the start of next summer. Because of this coldness.
Already after lunch when I got out from my room. Nothing. I saw nothing but a bunch of sleeping people. And a singing stereo from the living room. I went to the kitchen and found nothing. No one have been there, I guess. Not a single bread or a used cup was there. Bare. I looked inside the ref and found a half-day old Lumpiang Shanghai in a plate, banana and tuna. I took them with me and made a cup of coffee. I didn't ate last night. And I don't why. I also took some bread and gone back in my room. I'd rather eat here than somewhere else. It's so.. cold and everything I touch seems like wet.
The banana and coffee combination is one of my favorite meal. I also don't know why is that so. And it was the first meal I have today. I looked around and found my guitar and a notebook, where I've written my bucket list. I opened the notebook and re-read my list for the nth time and was thinking of really going to the church. FOR A TIME LIKE THIS. Going to the church is like staking your precious life. It was hell of a storm outside. I might be killed from the huge rain storm on the day of my very own birthday.
I looked at my dresser and found blue, black, white tees and that's it. No red shirt was found. I know I have a red shirt. Really. Maybe I just put it somewhere. But today is my birthday and I needed that shirt. I looked outside and it is still raining.
Still, because I don't listen at my insticts and I'm a hard headed person, I wore a white shirt and white jacket instead and gone to the church. I walked my way through the church because it's just a walking distance from my house. And it is still raining. When I got to the church, it's.. closed. I finally remembered that today is TUESDAY. So I was there, holding an umbrella, wearing a white tee and my head was covered by the jacket's hood and it was so cold and freezing. At one point I feel like urinating. And I looked around me, outside, it's so bare and no one was there, except me, the church in front of me and the rain. Maybe, just maybe, this is not the birthday I can fulfill this thing. Maybe next year. Or maybe never.
Because no matter what ocassion is today, it WILL always be JUST ANOTHER DAY.
I can't even blame the typhoon.
I just can't get used to it. Every year, every August 7.. It will definitely rain.
Instead of standing there under the rain, I went to the nearest mall and got lost. It took me 3 hours to find my way home and it IS still cold and freezing.
It's already dark when I got home and found that they are in fact, waiting for me. They've prepared a simple dinner for me. But the cake didn't taste good. Anyway, I'm still glad. :)
I woke up this morning with severe back pain. I don't know where did I got this, all I know is that another typhoon had invaded us last night and our President had already declared that there will be "No Classes Today For All Preschool to College Students AND Half-Day For All Government and Private Employees".
So the entire nation are now celebrating for this ONE-DAY-HOLIDAY-LIKE-COLD DAY all brought to us by this.. What was this typhoon's name? Anyway, whether I get up from my bed or not, there will be nothing than stare at my window habit for today. Oh..
And today is my birthday.
Happy Cold Birthday to me.. ^^
Maybe because I am getting old. Yes. We are getting old. That's why people in our little house have maybe forgotten that today is my birthday. No greetings so far from them, except from my unknown friends in Facebook. I should give credit Facebook here. Because of this social networking site, my D-day isn't so bad, after all.
I am planning to go to church today. And maybe wear a red shirt. So people would come to me and greet me 'Happy Birthday' though they don't really know that today is my birthday. People are like that. When you wear a red shirt or something, people will automatically assume that today is your birthday. And the basis for this is that you wore a red shirt. Means for 'good luck' and 'blessings'. Hmmm.
This plan was already written in my bucket list. Like a challenge. In fact, the whole challenge is "Go to church on my birthday, wear a red shirt, and listen my most-favorite song THERE."
I got up from my bed and looked at the mirror for some signs of changes. Nothing. I still look like before. Just another ugly girl from thousands of ugly people in this world. And it was so cold. I looked at my finger toes and found them dying from coldness. I'll soon get hypothermia or something from this coldness. I went to the nearest cupboard and take a pair of black socks and wore them. In this times when I think of telling my mother to buy a centralized heater. But then, why a household from a tropical country use a heater when soon, one of these days, it will get warm. But still, 'ber'-months are already approaching and I'll be dead before the start of next summer. Because of this coldness.
Already after lunch when I got out from my room. Nothing. I saw nothing but a bunch of sleeping people. And a singing stereo from the living room. I went to the kitchen and found nothing. No one have been there, I guess. Not a single bread or a used cup was there. Bare. I looked inside the ref and found a half-day old Lumpiang Shanghai in a plate, banana and tuna. I took them with me and made a cup of coffee. I didn't ate last night. And I don't why. I also took some bread and gone back in my room. I'd rather eat here than somewhere else. It's so.. cold and everything I touch seems like wet.
The banana and coffee combination is one of my favorite meal. I also don't know why is that so. And it was the first meal I have today. I looked around and found my guitar and a notebook, where I've written my bucket list. I opened the notebook and re-read my list for the nth time and was thinking of really going to the church. FOR A TIME LIKE THIS. Going to the church is like staking your precious life. It was hell of a storm outside. I might be killed from the huge rain storm on the day of my very own birthday.
I looked at my dresser and found blue, black, white tees and that's it. No red shirt was found. I know I have a red shirt. Really. Maybe I just put it somewhere. But today is my birthday and I needed that shirt. I looked outside and it is still raining.
Still, because I don't listen at my insticts and I'm a hard headed person, I wore a white shirt and white jacket instead and gone to the church. I walked my way through the church because it's just a walking distance from my house. And it is still raining. When I got to the church, it's.. closed. I finally remembered that today is TUESDAY. So I was there, holding an umbrella, wearing a white tee and my head was covered by the jacket's hood and it was so cold and freezing. At one point I feel like urinating. And I looked around me, outside, it's so bare and no one was there, except me, the church in front of me and the rain. Maybe, just maybe, this is not the birthday I can fulfill this thing. Maybe next year. Or maybe never.
Because no matter what ocassion is today, it WILL always be JUST ANOTHER DAY.
I can't even blame the typhoon.
I just can't get used to it. Every year, every August 7.. It will definitely rain.
Instead of standing there under the rain, I went to the nearest mall and got lost. It took me 3 hours to find my way home and it IS still cold and freezing.
It's already dark when I got home and found that they are in fact, waiting for me. They've prepared a simple dinner for me. But the cake didn't taste good. Anyway, I'm still glad. :)
Thank You.
And happy cold birthday to me.
________________________________
06 August 2012
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If someday you'll be able to read this, I hope you won't regret.
I may or maybe not alive by that time but hell, you seem to not recognize your own mistakes.
We will be going off soon.
In the streets.
Or maybe somewhere far.
And you will never be able to see even our shadows ever again.
I am asking you this one last favor and we're even after that.
Just save them. Trash me if that would satisfy you. Just save them.
Why? Because I can't ask for anything other than knowing they are safe.
Kill me if that what it takes for me to convince you.
I may or maybe not alive by that time but hell, you seem to not recognize your own mistakes.
We will be going off soon.
In the streets.
Or maybe somewhere far.
And you will never be able to see even our shadows ever again.
I am asking you this one last favor and we're even after that.
Just save them. Trash me if that would satisfy you. Just save them.
Why? Because I can't ask for anything other than knowing they are safe.
Kill me if that what it takes for me to convince you.
JUST. SAVE. THEM.
I am asking you this as my birthday present.
Why DID I have to be born? Life doesn't really make sense AT ALL.
___________________________
05 August 2012
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Mentor
I created a bucket list two months ago before we moved in here. I've been reading a lot of lists around the internet about different kinds of people's interest. But what is more unique than making your very own, original ideas-filled bucket list?
In #76, I've wriitten "To become a good mentor to someone." It really invoked a good laugh when I re-read my bucket list before but now, it seems that things are getting on ITS own way.
Since my cousin Criselyn came all the way from Leyte, my silent world become quite a disaster. I don't want 'other' people in our house. It's just. Really. Although Criselyn is a relative, we are not that close and I have only seen her 4 times in this lifetime. But I'm not someone who would make someone's life miserable just because I don't want them. The fact that there is someone who would ABSOLUTELY MEDDLE in my own world and is not familiar with my nature would be a big NO-NO. In fact, she was quite shock to see me going out of my room. Maybe she's thinking that I'm still alive or that I do communicate with other human beings, too. But since she is my cousin and we have nothing to do with each other than seeing each other's eyes every each day for the rest of the infinite time, I might as well be a good big sister to her. I've never treated her bad but I wasn't nice either.
But yesterday, she came to me asking if I can teach her how to play the guitar.
You know, when I graduated from high school and was preparing to enter college, taking Education was out of the line. It will never BE in my choice of careers. I can't be a good teacher. I'm easily irritated and other than being good in expressing and writing stuff on my own way, explaining something in front of many people is not in my field of expertise. I'm not a good speaker. A good listener, that's who I am. I can't explain things well. Whenever I speak, I just speak whatever that crosses my mind. I just don't know how to express myself-- verbally.
But then, for more than a year of playing the guitar no one had ever tried to ask me that very interesting thing.
"You seem to play the guitar well. Can you please teach me how to play it as well?"
In a split second I was amazed by her impressive enthusiasm to learn how to play the guitar. It seems that playing the guitar was as easy as fying a hotdog in her perspective. I looked around to check if I am still on earth and found that I am still sitting in the couch holding my guitar and thinking so deeply. I said I'm not that good yet and I don't think she will learn something like that from me.
But then again, she insisted maybe she could just watch me since I was playing facing the wall. What a funny conversation. I played You And Me by Lifehouse in front of her and she was like, "It's so easy". Tsk. I told her that that song has an easy chord to play. Then I handed her my guitar and told her to just try to hold the guitar and ask her what it feels like.
She also asked me if I play the piano because it looks like that the piano only knows me. I told her that no one sits in front of the piano other than me because they don't know how to. She asked me what instrument I also play and told her that I also play the bamboo flute, horn and lyre.
And I told her the things I learned when I was starting out: That there was no one around to teach me how to play the guitar. That there was no one around to tell me it is going to be a lot painful than it seems. That there was no one around to teach me how to tune. That I don't even know when did I started to recognize the different sounds of chords. That I spent almost everyday seaching the web, reading, watching and downloading every possible tool that could help me BECAUSE there was no one around.
I show her my very own Chord Chart that I made last year. I made that chart in order to fully understand what I'm doing since not all chords that you would see in the web are the same. I also told her that don't try to buy song books, as for my experience, it didn't help me a lot. That she have to watch a lot of tutorial videos and gain something from it.
And before I teach her the basic chords, I told her that after all the bravado, you will soon learn it from and through yourself-- right after you earn a lot of callouses. Then I show her my left hand's fingers, all sore but still able to play. And that she is so lucky-- to have someone teach her. Something I will never have.
I created a bucket list two months ago before we moved in here. I've been reading a lot of lists around the internet about different kinds of people's interest. But what is more unique than making your very own, original ideas-filled bucket list?
In #76, I've wriitten "To become a good mentor to someone." It really invoked a good laugh when I re-read my bucket list before but now, it seems that things are getting on ITS own way.
Since my cousin Criselyn came all the way from Leyte, my silent world become quite a disaster. I don't want 'other' people in our house. It's just. Really. Although Criselyn is a relative, we are not that close and I have only seen her 4 times in this lifetime. But I'm not someone who would make someone's life miserable just because I don't want them. The fact that there is someone who would ABSOLUTELY MEDDLE in my own world and is not familiar with my nature would be a big NO-NO. In fact, she was quite shock to see me going out of my room. Maybe she's thinking that I'm still alive or that I do communicate with other human beings, too. But since she is my cousin and we have nothing to do with each other than seeing each other's eyes every each day for the rest of the infinite time, I might as well be a good big sister to her. I've never treated her bad but I wasn't nice either.
But yesterday, she came to me asking if I can teach her how to play the guitar.
You know, when I graduated from high school and was preparing to enter college, taking Education was out of the line. It will never BE in my choice of careers. I can't be a good teacher. I'm easily irritated and other than being good in expressing and writing stuff on my own way, explaining something in front of many people is not in my field of expertise. I'm not a good speaker. A good listener, that's who I am. I can't explain things well. Whenever I speak, I just speak whatever that crosses my mind. I just don't know how to express myself-- verbally.
But then, for more than a year of playing the guitar no one had ever tried to ask me that very interesting thing.
"You seem to play the guitar well. Can you please teach me how to play it as well?"
In a split second I was amazed by her impressive enthusiasm to learn how to play the guitar. It seems that playing the guitar was as easy as fying a hotdog in her perspective. I looked around to check if I am still on earth and found that I am still sitting in the couch holding my guitar and thinking so deeply. I said I'm not that good yet and I don't think she will learn something like that from me.
But then again, she insisted maybe she could just watch me since I was playing facing the wall. What a funny conversation. I played You And Me by Lifehouse in front of her and she was like, "It's so easy". Tsk. I told her that that song has an easy chord to play. Then I handed her my guitar and told her to just try to hold the guitar and ask her what it feels like.
She also asked me if I play the piano because it looks like that the piano only knows me. I told her that no one sits in front of the piano other than me because they don't know how to. She asked me what instrument I also play and told her that I also play the bamboo flute, horn and lyre.
And I told her the things I learned when I was starting out: That there was no one around to teach me how to play the guitar. That there was no one around to tell me it is going to be a lot painful than it seems. That there was no one around to teach me how to tune. That I don't even know when did I started to recognize the different sounds of chords. That I spent almost everyday seaching the web, reading, watching and downloading every possible tool that could help me BECAUSE there was no one around.
I show her my very own Chord Chart that I made last year. I made that chart in order to fully understand what I'm doing since not all chords that you would see in the web are the same. I also told her that don't try to buy song books, as for my experience, it didn't help me a lot. That she have to watch a lot of tutorial videos and gain something from it.
And before I teach her the basic chords, I told her that after all the bravado, you will soon learn it from and through yourself-- right after you earn a lot of callouses. Then I show her my left hand's fingers, all sore but still able to play. And that she is so lucky-- to have someone teach her. Something I will never have.
I realized that #76 from my bucket list would soon be fulfilled. That I can also be a good teacher if I want to. And that real wisdom can only be gained by your lack of knowledge.
__________________________
04 August 2012
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03 August 2012
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Make use of that recorder..
I was so bored yesterday late afternoon and decided to play my guitar. And then something came up in my mind and took my old recorder. And used it for some fun. :D
I recorded my voice many times but then decided to record something new.
My friend said that I wasn't that good in strumming and I should do more finger picking stylebut here I post my very first recording using the strumming pattern. Naks. Where else and who else is better to put this post than here? This blog would never say "no" to me, anyway. Puhaha.. :D
Time Of My Life chorus part
Blogger don't have an mp3 uploader so I converted it into a video. Be kind and considerate to me. It's my first time recording such thing. ^^
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