1k Marathon
After spending almost over a hundred days of doing just this, I made it. But then.. Life goes on and on. And I am just going to play and play this until the miracle happen.
___________________________
23 April 2012
Dude, it rained today!!!
After a whole-hellish month without rain, it poured this afternoon like hurricane!
I just wish it didn't rained that much in other places.
The hotness and that kind of humidity was gone in an instant.
Thank God for that rain..
Sleeping this afternoon was easy.. ^^
______________________________
22 April 2012
Empty
You know what it's like to feel so empty, head and heart? And stomach? All at the same, same, same time.
This boring-ness, loneliness, alone-ness, and being so hungry (psychologically) eats me up, chews me into pieces, crushing every energy and hope that's left.
Gosh, April would fly away soon and probably would never repeat again even after 1000 years. Will this ruined world be alive by then?
I got to watch another great movie once again. Made me realize that I'm getting too MUCH lazy this past months. When people say I'm still young, that I should do whatever I wanted to do, and have fun, I always have this afterthought, that only my age is young, though my features look young and healthy- me, my body and my mind itself isn't. I can even conclude that I'm older than my age. My body's currently condition, my mind that's stuffed with too much unimportant things, my feelings that can't be explain by words.. I don't think I can even make it to 25.
That's why I'm amaze whenever I meet older people, the ones you usually meet at the bus stations claiming they are senior citizens, grandpas who are working hard under the cruel heat everyday, our mighty workers in our little shop. I sometimes think if I ever be able to reach that kind of age, a milestone. Really, not all people are gifted with life, not all born are able to survive that long. I'm quite grateful for this life and breath in fact. Out of all the people who were born that same day I was born, I don't think all of us are still alive until now.
God, can you here me?
Do you really know what I wanted all this time?
Do you, by any chance, still looking before me?
It's hard.
To breath, to understand, to decide.
To live, to make a living and make ends meet.
I believe in you.
But my confidence isn't that high.
I easily get confused.
May it be a good or bad news, I always feel like shaking.
I believe in you but I can't trust myself..
Know why I always ask?
Cause I have to..
I always consider your gratefulness.
That I'm blessed and imperfect..
That even little things get to remind me that the life you gave me is just a one-shot chance..
That I should do everything to survive no matter what..
That I should succeed and be true to myself..
But why I can't trust myself that fully?
It's like a puzzle.
It's like a trip without destination.
It's like a question without any answer.
Give me some signs, please.
I'm really begging for it, right now.
_____________________________
20 April 2012
Open you mind..
I rarely watch television, until Pepito Manaloto came. It started to air on 2010 (I guess), while I still have my job. The best thing that caught my interest was the Theme song and the concept- the first ever reality-sitComedy Filipino people had ever made. It was so different from the usual reality show. It airs every Sunday night on GMA but as usual, me, the lazy watcher have only watched not more than 5 episodes. Hehe.. Anyway, the sitcom was great and very inspiring especially because Michael V. was the protagonist (Pepito). Who doesn't like Michael V.? With his timely serious-to-comedic punch line? He even sang the theme song of the show.. Aww, unfortunately the show just ended recently. But I got to watched the finale! XD
I'll translate the lyrics into English so our readers could relate.. ^^
This song is really inspiring!
Pepito Manaloto Theme Song
Michael V.
(Pepito Manaloto)
O ano?
(Oh what?)
Saan?
(Where?)
Sino, bakit, sa paanong paraan?
(Who, why, on what way?)
Minsan ang swerte mo nasa paligid lang
(Sometimes your luck is just on your side)
Ang buhay ay ganyan
(life's like that)
Nasa palad mo ang pagbabago ng takbo
(The changes are in your palm)
At walang mangyayari kung hindi mo susubukan
(Things won't happen if you don't try)
Magbukas ka ng isipan
(open your mind)
Kahit talo may natututunan
(even the losers learn)
Di mo lang alam at di mo maintindihan
(You just don't know and you just don't understand)
Lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay natin ay may kaniya kaniyang dahilan
(All the things that's happening in our lives have their own reasons)
Pepito Manaloto..
(Pepito Manaloto..)
Swerte mo ay todo todo
(Your luck is too much)
Napunta sayo lahat ng bwenas sa mundo
(You got all the luck in this world)
At pag ukol bubukol
(And if it will be, will be)
Ang kay Pedro ay Kay Pedro
(If it's for Pedro's, it's for Pedro)
Pero ang kay Pepito
(But for Pepito)
Tiyak panalo yan ang tatayaan ko
(Sure it will win, that's my bet)
_________________________
Back To Black
To embrace this life changing events, I also changed this blog's current template. Back to black. What else is left? If white won't do, then black. Notice I only got two colors? Perhaps because it's the only 2 colors my eyes can recognize.
Not a 24-color set, not a 16-color set, not an 8-color set, not even the 7 colors of a rainbow.
Only white.
Or black.
Recently, I have this fandom over Shinhwa. I'm still an ELF, but being a Shinhwa Changjo could be considerably okay. ^^ My bias? Ehem, Lee Min Woo. ♥
(It's our secret, huh!)
Well, they are public figures but knowing that we have an (almost) 11 years of age gap..?? .. It.. is.. still.. possible. Just give me a break. They are real singers. Funny real singers. And it would a matter of single heartbeat/chance/opportunity/storm/hurricane/miracle to see them in person. So just let me be.. Crazy over them.. For a bit. ^^
It's almost 4:28AM here and I can't sleep. Feeling sleepy maybe.
To embrace this life changing events, I also changed this blog's current template. Back to black. What else is left? If white won't do, then black. Notice I only got two colors? Perhaps because it's the only 2 colors my eyes can recognize.
Not a 24-color set, not a 16-color set, not an 8-color set, not even the 7 colors of a rainbow.
Only white.
Or black.
Recently, I have this fandom over Shinhwa. I'm still an ELF, but being a Shinhwa Changjo could be considerably okay. ^^ My bias? Ehem, Lee Min Woo. ♥
(It's our secret, huh!)
Well, they are public figures but knowing that we have an (almost) 11 years of age gap..?? .. It.. is.. still.. possible. Just give me a break. They are real singers. Funny real singers. And it would a matter of single heartbeat/chance/opportunity/storm/hurricane/miracle to see them in person. So just let me be.. Crazy over them.. For a bit. ^^
It's almost 4:28AM here and I can't sleep. Feeling sleepy maybe.
Lord, grant me the ability to be strong at times like this..
__________________________
Changes
How come this kind of different change came so fast I still haven't digested what had happened over a week ago.
When everything that I owned was gone, leaving almost nothing for me, this week was the cruelest, hopeless, most boring than death week of my life. Sleeping became a bad habit of mine, so as going to bed. Just when the rest of the people in this tropical country would probably be fried because of heat stroke and cloudless sky, I am going to die because of this boring-ness.
It came to the point that if I sell my books, other than earning money out of it, I probably won't get bored because I have something to do. Since I don't like watching television, my reading habit have declined so fast after the incident. I guess I won't be able to finish Quarter Tones. Reason? Maybe if I get to finish that book, life would be miserable once again. At least I have something to look forward to. I also have been in my room for the whole week, can't even remember how I got to change my clothes sometimes.
A lost who once got lost again..
Aside from those changes, I needed to change my email ONCE again. I have all my important details in my cellphone, thinking that someone is wandering with my cellphone right now makes me dizzy. I even lost a lot of paper works and documents in my USB. Gosh.. >.<
The only problem right now is that.. I might leave PAHINAKO and transfer/make another sub-domain here at blogger (of course) so I can import all of this entries. However, having the heart to leave this account would be the worst issue I've come to face cyberspace-speaking. Or I might leave blogger and transfer to another site.
Well, I better do something to solve this. This is easier than solving this boring-ness around.
[Time Lapse]
To solve this, I created a new account in Yahoo! Mail. Welcome me back Y! Mail. I left you a couple of months and here I am again, entering your territory. :) Just for the sake of saving the name PAHINAKO 'cause I've over-used Google for this, they can't let me use another Gmail account for this blogger account. What an email-issue right now, huh? Going back to Y!Mail, wish that they won't do any further issues on logging in.
Hayy, this makes me tired.
And sleepy..
Yo! PAHINAKO.. Let's be together FOREVER! :D
And let's embrace changes together. ^^
.emeebi.
How come this kind of different change came so fast I still haven't digested what had happened over a week ago.
When everything that I owned was gone, leaving almost nothing for me, this week was the cruelest, hopeless, most boring than death week of my life. Sleeping became a bad habit of mine, so as going to bed. Just when the rest of the people in this tropical country would probably be fried because of heat stroke and cloudless sky, I am going to die because of this boring-ness.
It came to the point that if I sell my books, other than earning money out of it, I probably won't get bored because I have something to do. Since I don't like watching television, my reading habit have declined so fast after the incident. I guess I won't be able to finish Quarter Tones. Reason? Maybe if I get to finish that book, life would be miserable once again. At least I have something to look forward to. I also have been in my room for the whole week, can't even remember how I got to change my clothes sometimes.
A lost who once got lost again..
Aside from those changes, I needed to change my email ONCE again. I have all my important details in my cellphone, thinking that someone is wandering with my cellphone right now makes me dizzy. I even lost a lot of paper works and documents in my USB. Gosh.. >.<
The only problem right now is that.. I might leave PAHINAKO and transfer/make another sub-domain here at blogger (of course) so I can import all of this entries. However, having the heart to leave this account would be the worst issue I've come to face cyberspace-speaking. Or I might leave blogger and transfer to another site.
Well, I better do something to solve this. This is easier than solving this boring-ness around.
[Time Lapse]
To solve this, I created a new account in Yahoo! Mail. Welcome me back Y! Mail. I left you a couple of months and here I am again, entering your territory. :) Just for the sake of saving the name PAHINAKO 'cause I've over-used Google for this, they can't let me use another Gmail account for this blogger account. What an email-issue right now, huh? Going back to Y!Mail, wish that they won't do any further issues on logging in.
Hayy, this makes me tired.
And sleepy..
Yo! PAHINAKO.. Let's be together FOREVER! :D
And let's embrace changes together. ^^
R U N
___________________________
Though I'm taller than an average girl of my age, I feel like posting this quote is worth sharing.. ^^
“0% possibility, that’s the path I’m going to take.
I still have a hidden card left. And that is hope.
If you measure my height from the ground up, I’m shorter than anyone else,If you measure my height from the sky, I’m taller than anyone.”
– Napoleon
________________________
16 April 2012
Longest 22 months
But I just waited for only 10 months, to be exact. The first 12 months was the weirdest part because I have no any idea that this person was gone for a couple of months!
A friend from another planet just arrived with 'multiple colors'! :D YESTERDAY!
He is one of the special friend that I have.. He loves music and loves to make fun with other people, too. He is sometimes a big nuisance to us but his absence was felt greatly whenever we have ocassional gatherings.
Ehem, well, welcome back Strong Man! ^^
We missed you so much! :)
___________________
14 April 2012
Decade
Mike is my youngest brother, who turns 10 years old today, April 14. Ten years ago, we never thought that God would give us another addition to our family. Biboy who was our bunso, the youngest at that time just turn 10 and I was 11, approaching my 6 year in grade school.
He was born at exactly 1:09 AM of April 14. Eloida, me and Biboy was left in our house that night because mom was already having her heavy labor. My parents went to San Juan De Dios Hospital in Pasay, a 2 -hour away from Las Piñas. Mom had a hard time delivering Mike, since the last time she delivered a baby, who was Biboy was 10 years ago. I remembered, we watch an Award's Show at Channel 13 that night while thinking what would that baby look like.
As expected, Mike entered this world with difficulty. He was 2 hours overdue inside my mother's womb that caused him to excrete a waste (feces) inside. The doctors told my parents that the baby needed to be examined for a week because they thought the baby might have eaten some of it and would cause severe damage. Mom got home after 2 days and told us those things that I didn't understand at that time. Then after a week, baby Mike arrived. Know what baby Mike did when he first lay his little eyes on us? He smiled. Yes, he smiled. I even wonder if he really can see us. But he smiled.
Now, after a decade the baby Mike who can't stand wearing a diaper (he stopped using diapers when he was 3 months old) became our everyday nuisance. ^^
Though things and life would eventually become up-side-down, I am so grateful that Mike is here. He is my constant companion, along with Jhara. They will always be my brave little angels.
Happy Birthday Mike!
We love you..
___________________________
13 April 2012
I Won't Give Up
Jason Mraz
Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ...
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
_________________________
12 April 2012
Whisper
You know how fucked up things can be? Ha! It's endless and indefinite, tragically speaking.
This day's one of the worst, no this IS the worst day of my entire existence. To be honest, I can't find the exact words to begin this unfortunate story. Well, just when you think that things won't fall off, just when you believe 'This is it' moment is happening, just when your mind is so focused at this one thing, it is NOT.
Today, was really unfortunate. Really. I'm already tearing up inside out while typing this. But because I believe this is the only thing I can do for my very ruined self, I'll be doing this. See, I'm typing.. Arg!
This is the story.
Mom woke me up at around 9AM today and told me that there is someone outside, wanted to see me in person. That HE (the criminal) is looking for a prospective and available person, for a position in their company. The real me won't be bugged by this and I continued to sleep. But mom was so irritating, keep on waking me up. So I did. The stupid me did woke up and got ready to meet the criminal-wannabe. How unfortunate that that stupid me believe in this heavenly offer. When and where would you see that a job would be knocking at your door??
Then the rest of conversations would become a nightmare memories for me. Mom fell at this criminal. So I do. Too. Told us that at Starmall Alabang (Metropolis) administrative office is having an immediate hiring. Well, I'm a good candidate as ALWAYS. But the timing was a mistake. At 2PM, I went with my mom to Starmall along with this criminal. Things went so good until he said that there is something he would like my mom to see, so we went to Jollibee and there he told me to wait.
Oh wait, I wore a formal attire. Duh? I brough my Heartstrings bag that I bought last year before I resigned from my job. Inside my bag was my Blackberry cellphone, I also own a Cherry Mobile phone, MY MP3 (GOD!), my wallet that contains my ATMs, pictures, notes mostly important stuff, my last 70 PHP (paper money), my little purse that contains mostly 5 PHP and 10 PHP coins that I can't remember how much it costs exactly. The little purse was created by me. It was a crocheted beige-color purse with a sewed zipper. I do crochet, since I was 16. Uhm.. what else? Ah, have I said before that I have a really sensitive nose? I guess I've said that thing before. But last year, around mid-October, I bough an Aficionado perfume. It WAS the first time I bought a perfume. I've never bought a cologne or perfume before, ever. The ones I own are gifts from friends and family. I bought it because it was the only perfume that doesn't hurt my nostrils at all. It was mild, in fact. 'Cause whenever I smell perfume, especially the strong ones, I end up being sick- flu, heavy cough, watery eyes and continuously in high fever. Even dust, cigarette smoke, vehicle smoke and the likes are considered perfume to me. That perfume was inside my bag. Aw.. Four pens and a pencil, 2 bracelets that I also said before, the ones I always bought at Saint Pauls, every birthdays, every special ocassions with a "God is Good" letterings- was there, also. Oh! My 8GB USB along with my microSD reader. Inside my microSD reader was a 2GB microSD memory card. Wow, every thingSSSS that I own was there. Aside from my bag, I also brough my small envelope that contains the following: E-1 SSS form, Postal ID, Voter's Registration Note, Authenticated Birth Certificate, my invalid NBI Clearance and Police Clearance, pictures: 1x1s, 2x2s that was from 2008!, reciepts, recent copy of my resume, the rest.. Ahh.. I can't remember, really.
Well, to make the story short, me and my mom was victimized by what they call Budol-Budol Gang. When they left me at the Jollibee, after a minute they come back. I ask my mom what they did but my mom said that the guy just left her ourside this room, then when he comeback he said that he needed a sketch on how to get to our house, my stupid mom took a sheet from my envelope, draw a sketch then the guy said that he needed a XEROX copy of that sketch, telling my mom to go to National Bookstore, a way adjacent from Jollibee, leaving me and the guy inside. Then suddenly again, this guy told me to follow my mom, that HE needed a set of two xerox copies, that I should follow my mom and tell her. That moment was the moment of all moments. Before I got up, I took my bag and envelope, But he said that we're running out of time, just leave my bag and should follow my mom.
From the CCTV of Jollibee, the moment I exited the food store, the criminal took my bag and envelope and ESCAPED. YES. ESCAPED. THE END.
The guy, named ALBERT, WAS THE BASTARD THAT TOOK MY BAG AND ENVELOP, leaving us with nothing. NOT EVEN A SINGLE CENT. What kind of human being are you, huh!? Of course, you're human, 'cause if you're not, then are you a Saint? I don't think so. The world won't think so. I AM JUST A STUPID GIRL WITH NOTHING.
NO WORK.
NO MONEY.
NO BAG.
NO CELLPHONES.
NO WALLET.
GOD, MY PRECIOUS MP3 WAS ALSO GONE.
GONE.
ALL OF MY DOCUMENTS ARE ALL GONE.
AND WON'T MIRACULOUSLY COME BACK.
RIGHT.
I AM JUST AS STUPID AS BEFORE!!!!!
Question, how did we managed to get to our house? Well, my mom brough her ATM, was on her pocket and that saved us that moment. You'll never know how pale and quiet I am at that very moment. My mom was so panicked every person I can eye-contact with was staring blankly at us. THE WORLD DOESN'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT. GOD. WHEN I AM THE ONE WHO HAS LEFT WITH NOTHING.
The only priced possession that I have is my guitar. Really. This makes me teared up. Why? Every thing that was inside that bag, even the documents that would cost thousands to produce was gone. I don't have a job but the only thing that propels me forward was having my documents with me and my contact number would make my job hunting easier than before. And my MP3. You know how precious that thing to me? Other than the man-made airplane, mp3 was the second most amazing thing that humans made. That MP3 was the only friend I have when I was on my fucking job last year. It saved me from killing myself. Listening to it everyday for the last few months made me more sane than before. It was just few hours when it happened, but I think I'm going to lose my sanity. Every documents and special things that was saved at my USB will forever be gone. Forever. It won't be coming back. Not if that criminal would appear in front of me at this very moment. Not if he is willing to be spared by my hands.
I know they are just things but.. You.. Just.. Do.. Not.. Know.. How.. Precious those things to me. I own them. I shared my life with them. They are and will forever be a part of me. It even has my identity. No one in this house can make a single MP3 last for about a year without destroying it. My brother's MP3 last only 3 weeks, even his headphones would last for 2 days. His cellphone battery would last for 2 months, even his cellphone can't last a year.
And I made them last like a wine. I even think they have their own minds and spirits.
Dude, I'm crying.
When we got home, explained the unexplainable feelings, that was when I get myself to cry. It was hard to cry. I'm just so shock, we made it home without digesting what had just happened. You know that feeling when you found out the culprit had escaped- forever, leaving us the blurred CCTV video of his escaped. IT WAS SO HELPLESS. I even thought that we're going to walk that ocean miles to get home! Well just when I thought it was hard to cry, it was also hard to stop crying. I cried from then on, when I was changing my clothes, when I was cooking for dinner (They are still great at making me do all the chores when I am so broken!), when we were eating, when I washed the dishes, until that unavoidable sleeping time. It's 11:41 PM here, but I can't sleep. I thought, I should put this here, listen to the remaining songs that's left on my folder, that I can never use my headphones whenever I am going to the toilet because I don't have my MP3 anymore, that I could never set an alarm at my phone, that my wallet's already gone. Everything that was gone put a hole in my weak chest. God, help me. Help me gather every strength that's left to make another fire inside me. For me to continue.
I just feel so empty.
You know how fucked up things can be? Ha! It's endless and indefinite, tragically speaking.
This day's one of the worst, no this IS the worst day of my entire existence. To be honest, I can't find the exact words to begin this unfortunate story. Well, just when you think that things won't fall off, just when you believe 'This is it' moment is happening, just when your mind is so focused at this one thing, it is NOT.
Today, was really unfortunate. Really. I'm already tearing up inside out while typing this. But because I believe this is the only thing I can do for my very ruined self, I'll be doing this. See, I'm typing.. Arg!
This is the story.
Mom woke me up at around 9AM today and told me that there is someone outside, wanted to see me in person. That HE (the criminal) is looking for a prospective and available person, for a position in their company. The real me won't be bugged by this and I continued to sleep. But mom was so irritating, keep on waking me up. So I did. The stupid me did woke up and got ready to meet the criminal-wannabe. How unfortunate that that stupid me believe in this heavenly offer. When and where would you see that a job would be knocking at your door??
Then the rest of conversations would become a nightmare memories for me. Mom fell at this criminal. So I do. Too. Told us that at Starmall Alabang (Metropolis) administrative office is having an immediate hiring. Well, I'm a good candidate as ALWAYS. But the timing was a mistake. At 2PM, I went with my mom to Starmall along with this criminal. Things went so good until he said that there is something he would like my mom to see, so we went to Jollibee and there he told me to wait.
Oh wait, I wore a formal attire. Duh? I brough my Heartstrings bag that I bought last year before I resigned from my job. Inside my bag was my Blackberry cellphone, I also own a Cherry Mobile phone, MY MP3 (GOD!), my wallet that contains my ATMs, pictures, notes mostly important stuff, my last 70 PHP (paper money), my little purse that contains mostly 5 PHP and 10 PHP coins that I can't remember how much it costs exactly. The little purse was created by me. It was a crocheted beige-color purse with a sewed zipper. I do crochet, since I was 16. Uhm.. what else? Ah, have I said before that I have a really sensitive nose? I guess I've said that thing before. But last year, around mid-October, I bough an Aficionado perfume. It WAS the first time I bought a perfume. I've never bought a cologne or perfume before, ever. The ones I own are gifts from friends and family. I bought it because it was the only perfume that doesn't hurt my nostrils at all. It was mild, in fact. 'Cause whenever I smell perfume, especially the strong ones, I end up being sick- flu, heavy cough, watery eyes and continuously in high fever. Even dust, cigarette smoke, vehicle smoke and the likes are considered perfume to me. That perfume was inside my bag. Aw.. Four pens and a pencil, 2 bracelets that I also said before, the ones I always bought at Saint Pauls, every birthdays, every special ocassions with a "God is Good" letterings- was there, also. Oh! My 8GB USB along with my microSD reader. Inside my microSD reader was a 2GB microSD memory card. Wow, every thingSSSS that I own was there. Aside from my bag, I also brough my small envelope that contains the following: E-1 SSS form, Postal ID, Voter's Registration Note, Authenticated Birth Certificate, my invalid NBI Clearance and Police Clearance, pictures: 1x1s, 2x2s that was from 2008!, reciepts, recent copy of my resume, the rest.. Ahh.. I can't remember, really.
Well, to make the story short, me and my mom was victimized by what they call Budol-Budol Gang. When they left me at the Jollibee, after a minute they come back. I ask my mom what they did but my mom said that the guy just left her ourside this room, then when he comeback he said that he needed a sketch on how to get to our house, my stupid mom took a sheet from my envelope, draw a sketch then the guy said that he needed a XEROX copy of that sketch, telling my mom to go to National Bookstore, a way adjacent from Jollibee, leaving me and the guy inside. Then suddenly again, this guy told me to follow my mom, that HE needed a set of two xerox copies, that I should follow my mom and tell her. That moment was the moment of all moments. Before I got up, I took my bag and envelope, But he said that we're running out of time, just leave my bag and should follow my mom.
From the CCTV of Jollibee, the moment I exited the food store, the criminal took my bag and envelope and ESCAPED. YES. ESCAPED. THE END.
The guy, named ALBERT, WAS THE BASTARD THAT TOOK MY BAG AND ENVELOP, leaving us with nothing. NOT EVEN A SINGLE CENT. What kind of human being are you, huh!? Of course, you're human, 'cause if you're not, then are you a Saint? I don't think so. The world won't think so. I AM JUST A STUPID GIRL WITH NOTHING.
NO WORK.
NO MONEY.
NO BAG.
NO CELLPHONES.
NO WALLET.
GOD, MY PRECIOUS MP3 WAS ALSO GONE.
GONE.
ALL OF MY DOCUMENTS ARE ALL GONE.
AND WON'T MIRACULOUSLY COME BACK.
RIGHT.
I AM JUST AS STUPID AS BEFORE!!!!!
Question, how did we managed to get to our house? Well, my mom brough her ATM, was on her pocket and that saved us that moment. You'll never know how pale and quiet I am at that very moment. My mom was so panicked every person I can eye-contact with was staring blankly at us. THE WORLD DOESN'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT. GOD. WHEN I AM THE ONE WHO HAS LEFT WITH NOTHING.
The only priced possession that I have is my guitar. Really. This makes me teared up. Why? Every thing that was inside that bag, even the documents that would cost thousands to produce was gone. I don't have a job but the only thing that propels me forward was having my documents with me and my contact number would make my job hunting easier than before. And my MP3. You know how precious that thing to me? Other than the man-made airplane, mp3 was the second most amazing thing that humans made. That MP3 was the only friend I have when I was on my fucking job last year. It saved me from killing myself. Listening to it everyday for the last few months made me more sane than before. It was just few hours when it happened, but I think I'm going to lose my sanity. Every documents and special things that was saved at my USB will forever be gone. Forever. It won't be coming back. Not if that criminal would appear in front of me at this very moment. Not if he is willing to be spared by my hands.
I know they are just things but.. You.. Just.. Do.. Not.. Know.. How.. Precious those things to me. I own them. I shared my life with them. They are and will forever be a part of me. It even has my identity. No one in this house can make a single MP3 last for about a year without destroying it. My brother's MP3 last only 3 weeks, even his headphones would last for 2 days. His cellphone battery would last for 2 months, even his cellphone can't last a year.
And I made them last like a wine. I even think they have their own minds and spirits.
Dude, I'm crying.
When we got home, explained the unexplainable feelings, that was when I get myself to cry. It was hard to cry. I'm just so shock, we made it home without digesting what had just happened. You know that feeling when you found out the culprit had escaped- forever, leaving us the blurred CCTV video of his escaped. IT WAS SO HELPLESS. I even thought that we're going to walk that ocean miles to get home! Well just when I thought it was hard to cry, it was also hard to stop crying. I cried from then on, when I was changing my clothes, when I was cooking for dinner (They are still great at making me do all the chores when I am so broken!), when we were eating, when I washed the dishes, until that unavoidable sleeping time. It's 11:41 PM here, but I can't sleep. I thought, I should put this here, listen to the remaining songs that's left on my folder, that I can never use my headphones whenever I am going to the toilet because I don't have my MP3 anymore, that I could never set an alarm at my phone, that my wallet's already gone. Everything that was gone put a hole in my weak chest. God, help me. Help me gather every strength that's left to make another fire inside me. For me to continue.
I don't know.
I really don't know how tomorrow will look like.
I should cry this to sleep..
And dream that tomorrow will not be as harder as it seems.
_________________________
09 April 2012
Let's talk.
Dude, things are getting sucked up nowadays. But then, no matter how cruel the people living in the face of this ruined world and how much situations are inevitable in happening, I kind of get used to it.
This Holy Week really sucked. Because of the following:
1. A friend of my mother came up suddenly out of nowhere with a big backpack bag.. I guessed at that moment that he will going to stay with us for a few days.
(Are we some kind of Hotel or what? Just because it's holiday and no work, you bastard can come to our house without any permission whatsoever! Why didn't you just go somewhere place and spend your boring whole week there??)
2. The bastard friend was so demanding. Really. I wish I made something special for him also.
3. Since the bastard friend was demanding at the first place, we needed to find a convenient store to buy proper foods since it's NO MEAT/PORK ALLOWED week. We, Catholics know that. Just wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Isn't he a catholic? Then at least, he'd just made some effort not to ruin our very own holiday!
4. He was so loud to begin with. He just can't be quiet for a minute. How come he turned his mp3 player into full volume at 2 PM of Good Friday?
5. He probably do NOT know how to use the comfort room.
6. He would just pop-out somewhere whenever I'm alone. Really shocking.. Though I never talked to him, he would ask me something I don't know.
I'm just so overwhelmed that he's gone now. I don't even noticed that he already left. Maybe because he was not welcome to be here at the first place. I never acknowledge his presence at all. Yet, hoping the bastard is still safe at this very minute because of my silently non-stop cursing. ^^
Just want to mutter these things here.. :D
Dude, things are getting sucked up nowadays. But then, no matter how cruel the people living in the face of this ruined world and how much situations are inevitable in happening, I kind of get used to it.
This Holy Week really sucked. Because of the following:
1. A friend of my mother came up suddenly out of nowhere with a big backpack bag.. I guessed at that moment that he will going to stay with us for a few days.
(Are we some kind of Hotel or what? Just because it's holiday and no work, you bastard can come to our house without any permission whatsoever! Why didn't you just go somewhere place and spend your boring whole week there??)
2. The bastard friend was so demanding. Really. I wish I made something special for him also.
3. Since the bastard friend was demanding at the first place, we needed to find a convenient store to buy proper foods since it's NO MEAT/PORK ALLOWED week. We, Catholics know that. Just wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Isn't he a catholic? Then at least, he'd just made some effort not to ruin our very own holiday!
4. He was so loud to begin with. He just can't be quiet for a minute. How come he turned his mp3 player into full volume at 2 PM of Good Friday?
5. He probably do NOT know how to use the comfort room.
6. He would just pop-out somewhere whenever I'm alone. Really shocking.. Though I never talked to him, he would ask me something I don't know.
I'm just so overwhelmed that he's gone now. I don't even noticed that he already left. Maybe because he was not welcome to be here at the first place. I never acknowledge his presence at all. Yet, hoping the bastard is still safe at this very minute because of my silently non-stop cursing. ^^
Just want to mutter these things here.. :D
_______________________
06 April 2012
Happy Ending
Jay Park, Rooftop Prince OST
(English Translation)
Tell me that you remember me
That you remember that smile at least once
Just like I dreamed, you are running and you make sure it's love
Tell me that you remember me
That you remember that smile at least once
I hope we will always fall for each other and be happy
Will others know too?
Will they be able to say they've seen something like this before?
But we're just waiting for our happy ending
Even after we meet once, twice, three times, four times
You pretend not to have interest in me
I Know I Know I Know is just again
I'm so tired of this cat and mouse game of love
They say that bad girls are attractive
I've heard that before
But please, know me now oh yeah
Tell me that you remember me
That you remember that smile at least once
I hope we will always fall for each other and be happy
Will others know too?
Will they be able to say they've seen something like this before?
But we're just waiting for our happy ending
It starts now, our love
It's the start, just like you're born again
Our fluttering hearts that we always hoped for
Now I have no doubt that we will ever break up
Just wait now for our happy ending
** I keep on listening to the Instrumental Version of this song. This song's melody is really great. :)
_________________________
04 April 2012
.. is here. ^^
Oh.. Wahh!
Happy birthday to my best friend.. :) You know who you are..
I will always support and love you unconditionally.
Just stay healthy and continue to do the things you love doing.
Thank you for everything!
Fighting! ~~ :)
Love,
Elleine
*****
Look into yourself...are you born to be brave?
_______________________
03 April 2012
"First I had to decide, this is bullshit. I am not gonna let them do this to me.
Cause you know if you sit there rubbing sticks together and crying on your sticks, well you'll never gonna make a spark. But if you stop feeling sorry for yourself- just because you're determined not to believe in hopelessness- then a spark happens and then you just keep fanning on that little spark and take out a flame. And I realized it was like a big trick that I wasn't just a little lump of flesh that they could put in a cage and I decided I would have fate, that there was some power out there greater than them to which I could make my appeal."
- Sunny Jacobs, The Exonerated
_____________________________
01 April 2012
April Fool's ...
I forgot to post my 300-wins in FreeCell print screened image here and just found out that I made a 402-wins a while ago. Well, ahem, I really am good at this stuff, I guess! ^^
Here are the print screened images.. :D
I forgot to post my 300-wins in FreeCell print screened image here and just found out that I made a 402-wins a while ago. Well, ahem, I really am good at this stuff, I guess! ^^
Here are the print screened images.. :D
Click on the images to see it clearly..
I'm going all the way to 1000-wins, soon! ^_^
Me with the super tasty Lechon last March 23 at Pansol, Laguna
*****
Whenever I find the key to success, someone tries to lock it again and again.
_________________________
Holy Week 2012
Is this a yearly Holy Week post? Should I do this after Easter Sunday or a week earlier?
Well, this week's going to be no different from the other week. People with job who will be working on these days would probably so excited because it's a BIG DOUBLE-TRIPLE PAY.
Anyway, I wonder what the hell I am doing right now. My body aches like hell and I think I'm going to have a cramp on both legs. I've gone to Ortigas yesterday and it was both hell and tiring. I'm forbidden to walk too much since my lower body's still in recovery but because I have to (and needed), I walked for about 1 and half hours just to get to Goldloop Towers. Both hot and chills. God knows my body wanted to collapse in the middle of a long highway but I can't. I needed to be there before 8:30 AM for an important matter.
I wish life could be more exciting than the things people are telling me to do. Be happy at the very least way and forgive them andme.
Though things aren't that easy as they seem to be, it's still good to know that there will always be these things that we need to accomplish and isn't already done for us. We are the ones who is responsible to turn things into something. I quite like that idea. ^^
Maybe I just have to be a little patient, word harder than ever before and accept things that's happening around no matter what. Truth will always come out when it's time, forgiveness will follow. As long as I have this little love and trust inside me..
For all the people I've met yesterday, thank you and good luck!
A blessed and safe Holy Week to everyone!
Is this a yearly Holy Week post? Should I do this after Easter Sunday or a week earlier?
Well, this week's going to be no different from the other week. People with job who will be working on these days would probably so excited because it's a BIG DOUBLE-TRIPLE PAY.
Anyway, I wonder what the hell I am doing right now. My body aches like hell and I think I'm going to have a cramp on both legs. I've gone to Ortigas yesterday and it was both hell and tiring. I'm forbidden to walk too much since my lower body's still in recovery but because I have to (and needed), I walked for about 1 and half hours just to get to Goldloop Towers. Both hot and chills. God knows my body wanted to collapse in the middle of a long highway but I can't. I needed to be there before 8:30 AM for an important matter.
I wish life could be more exciting than the things people are telling me to do. Be happy at the very least way and forgive them and
Though things aren't that easy as they seem to be, it's still good to know that there will always be these things that we need to accomplish and isn't already done for us. We are the ones who is responsible to turn things into something. I quite like that idea. ^^
Maybe I just have to be a little patient, word harder than ever before and accept things that's happening around no matter what. Truth will always come out when it's time, forgiveness will follow. As long as I have this little love and trust inside me..
For all the people I've met yesterday, thank you and good luck!
A blessed and safe Holy Week to everyone!
When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable
- Walt Disney
_____________________