Voice over

Funny how I deleted all the songs stored in my mp3 because of carelessness and spent the entire night remembering who sang which song and tried my very best to searched it all.. All the way Google. Site by site. Page by page.

But Google isn't in the right mood, I guess. Only half of what I remembered..
Hell, where on earth did I downloaded that song??

Anyway, today is Eloida's birthday! :)
I'm the third one who greeted her today. And, as the main cook of this house, she asked me a favor a week ago to cook for this day. Maybe Rom.. Romi.. Romeo.. I can't remember his name, Eloida's boyfriend would come. And she ordered me to be quiet as much as possible.


Eloida: "Just don't make any trouble for this day.."
Me: "....."


This is the last day of September and.. and.. and.. I can't believe how a month change my feelings towards these people. From happy to sad to loneliness to.. I wish this won't change anymore. Will I ever make it to 2012? Or will I ever see them on 2018??

Anyways again, I remembered something. I committed myself to this project, "4 Days Marathon", and only the first on the list is the one that I think.. I can't make it until today. It's easy to look at a book with 400 pages, even reading it would be easier, too. But actually writing it all and study everything it contains.. I don't think four days would be enough.

At the very least of this things, I made something for myself. And that I will continue to write until I finish it.. ^^

______________________

Misguided Ghost

Paramore

I am going away for a while

I'll be back don't try and follow me

I'll return as soon as possible

See I'm tryin' to find my place

It might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them

From them

With no direction

We'll run from them

From them

With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts

Traveling endlessly

Don't need no roads

In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life

Pain is just a simple compromise

So we can we get what we want out of it

Someone care to classify

Broken hearts and twisted minds

So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them

to them

Full speed ahead

Oh you are not

Useless

We are just

Misguided ghosts

Traveling endlessly

The ones we trusted the most

Pushed us far away

And there's no one road

We should not be the same

I'm just a ghost

And still they echo me

They echo me in circles.

_________________________

Typhoon!

I wasn't informed. Roxas Boulevard and #PrayforthePhilippines are still trending on Twitter.

Gosh, Manila Bay overflowed and could almost eat up Roxas Boulevard??!! Yesterday at past 4PM??!! All because of Typhoon Pedring??!!

Well, I was busy cleaning the whole house and the fact that I don't really watch TV results to this kind of feeling. As if I was betrayed again, for the nth time!

The whole Metro Manila will be affected if typhoon Quiel and Ramon will enter our country. It's really scary. I even got cold and flu yesterday because of the heavy rain. 

You know, you will never like Philippines climate, I swear! When it's sunny, it's really warm to the point that it's so hot like hell. Last year, after Holy Week, it was recorded that Philippines got 40°.. You'll never know how does it feel to endure that kind of hotness. Even my eyebrows keep on sweating! I spent more than 16 hours outside our house, usually in our backyard just to make it through the whole summer. Malls are flooded with bystanders and window shoppers, so many people that you feel there's no air con at all. Last March, when I was still working, my shift was usually at night and it's hard like hell to sleep in the afternoon. Usually, I'll lay down near the gas stove, it's near the kitchen door leading to the backyard. I even thought if I could sleep at the backyard..

And when typhoon hits the Philippines? You'll never know what kind of evil is up to at that moment. Nature is always like that. And I can't blame it. But please, not this way. And don't kill anyone anymore. :'(

I'm just really grateful because I live my whole life here in Las Piñas City. Our city is honored as the Cleanest and Greenest city within Metro Manila. In addition to that, our city is built higher than any city. In fact, when Typhoon Ondoy attacked, I thought all of the people who cried in the news was only acting. There was only rain, but flood? No flood at all. Heavy rain and wind but no flood and no damaged houses I've seen. 

Sometimes, when it's so hot during summer, I wish it would rain heavily. But knowing that there were people, even families and civilians are being hit by huge waves, some of them even died- I felt guilty over the fact that I didn't really think at all. I just think for myself..

I hope that the coming typhoons, yes, I am expecting because the Philippines won't be complete without any typhoons in a year. In fact, no more than 30 typhoons are yearly set to enter our country and there's nothing we can really do about it. I just hope.. that it wouldn't be that big. Big typhoons kills hundred, even thousands of people. Leaving us all behind damaged and broken. I hope.. I hope..

Here is the raw video of yesterday's happening at Roxas Boulevard..

Ahh.. Let us all pray for the Philippines!

_____________________

4 Days Marathon!

Okay. I'm going to do some volunteer work. PUHAHAHA.
In fact, volunteer work for myself.  And I will call it, "Elleine's 4 Days Marathon" .. ^^

And it will include the following:

1. Write it ALL.
2. Listen and finish that song.
3. Prepare for Eloida's up coming birthday.
4. Call/text someone.
5. Watch- really watch TV.
6. Greet fatso.
7. Sleep early.
8. Change theme.

Know why? Well.. I don't know either why am I doing this. I'm just inspired.
Maybe because things becoming clear day by day. I got to laugh and smile differently. Think differently and treat people nice. It's a strange and familiar feeling.

It's like a smell of perfume, one that makes us remember something from the past..
A strange and familiar thing at the same time. :)

About my project. Well again.. I realized that September 2011 is going to say goodbye in our office calendar and thought that I should do something, if not for other people, maybe just for myself. Imagine? I've been here in our house for the last 4 months with nothing to do, nothing good to do. If I can remember, no more than ten times I've been outside within that 4 months! After May 25, I've gone out to my work's office to file a resignation, that was June 2 at 10 PM (Is it too obvious that I hate morning and sunlight??). After that, July.. maybe last week of July or first week of August when we visited our old house, can't remember. Then I'd gone to church and had a quite walk with myself on my 21st birthday, that was August 7. Then, I got ill again, gone to the hospital 4 times, been admitted for 6 days and.. nothing else. PUHAHAHA.

I can't believe I've never get to go out for a while. I can't even manage to stand for 5 minutes in our main door, going out would really be hard. But the feeling of being alienated was nothing. The last time I spoke to someone was Eloida, telling me about some stuff I don't understand. And I know that she knew I'm not paying attention all the time.^^

Maybe I should try to talk to someone.
Maybe I should open my Facebook account and get some sucking news with my-not-so-close-friends there. Funny thing is that, you get a lot of friends in Facebook, but no one is going to stay or be with you when you need one. That's why I stopped using that social networking site. WE both sucks. ^^

About the project, again and again. I'm going to do those things for the last days of September. There would be 4 days left, excluding this day. In fact, I can start now. But chose to mutter again here for some warm up.^^ I thought, maybe it's really cool to share these things here. Just like some kind of commitment. After all, things would just between me and my project. If I fail, it's my lost. If I do well, then that's what people from the Capable World usually call it, "You're improving".. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

Oh! I just noticed that BLAH  is really an English word? Isn't it? Blogger really made this, huh? Just like Microsoft Word who keeps telling me that my name is incorrect. It will have that red underline mark, telling you that that word is incorrect. And BLAH is a word with correct spelling.
Just realized that Microsoft Word won't acknowledge me and my name either. Yah! Grr..

So about the project again, and again, and again..

1. Write it all. Yes. I promise to write it all. And study it ALL at the same time. Two Years won't be long. You will see.. :)

2. Okay. I usually don't put some facts about me. Thinking that posting about my daily activities would be enough to know me better. Well, my blog is my only solace. It's not something people in cyberspace could use this as a medium of entertainment. I listen to songs. Different songs, different languages. In fact, I listen to songs in 6 different languages. In addition, there were country songs and 2 Southern Filipino dialects that I used to listen to, and still listening into. I don't listen to the ones you usually hear in the radio. If happen I know a song that is being played in the radio, I might knew that song a month or year ahead. I download online in package, means the whole album. But the strange thing in my listening habit: Only 4 songs to date.. that I got to finished listening into. Further explaining this thing is that, whenever I listen to song, I won't gonna finish it. That's true. It's an honest confession. After the second chorus or the bridge part, I have a habit of turning the music off or changing it to another song. I don't know. I just feel that there are things that we should LEAVE LIKE THAT. NOT KNOWING WHAT IS THE END OF THE SONG MAKES IT REALLY EXCITING. ^^

3. I'm going to greet my biological sister here. Happy Birthday Eloida. You're too old to learn the sisterly things. And it's too late, we don't need a sister like you at all.

Eloida the eldest in our brood. She was never been a sister. Hehe!
But, because I just can't stand greeting you personally, 'cause I'm surely know you wouldn't accept it. Happy birthday dude. You were never been a sister to us. I hate to admit that I was always the one who acts older between us. I hate to admit that I'm always the one who would understand and give way. And I hate the way I'm saying these things here. You were never been a good sister, you ARE always a good friend and listener to us. Thank you for being there when I am in my deepest fallout. You were one of the very few people who listened and trusted me when I need one. Thank you. It doesn't matter if frying eggs and hot dogs are the only things you know at cooking. You will always be my sister, my friend. You.. being there is enough. I ♥ you, dude.

4. My cellphone is still dead as of press time. It died like.. almost two weeks. The battery is still low and I'm still in the process of thinking if I should charge it. Maybe yes. Maybe no. And maybe I should call someone. Just call someone. Ask then how they're doing. Really listen to them. Have a conversation with real people. It's a shame to admit that I'm recently had a talk with my pillow. A really honest talk with my pillow. It's so one-sided! PUHAHAHA.

5. I don't like watching TV. When will that be listed in my list? I wish I'm someone who's never complete without watching TV in a day. I know someone who's like that. And I can't understand why she had the courage to leave me in the middle of the mall because she remembered it was her favorite drama's time slot. 4:30 PM. Tsk. I can live without TV even for the rest of my life. My doctor even said that my attention time is around 5-8 minutes only. I remembered, I was in a bus and there was a TV, I tried watching the show. But I ended up pretending watching the show and find myself so irritated. I guess, I just looked at the television- fiercely. It annoyed me.

6. Hey, fatso! Happy birthday! I love you! Stay healthy and handsome. Let's meet sometime. Maybe after I get some pain killers and courage to get out of this house. ^^
I love you dude. I miss you, with them. Just stay healthy before the trial period. ^^

7. I slept early last night. Around 8 PM. ^^ My sleep was kinda sweet and deep. But HELL, why do I have to wake up at 1:30 AM? And now.. still awake. Hay. Maybe I should make this one in my top list. :)

8. This is it. I will change my blog's theme!! Definitely change it. I promise to present myself a good one next month. I will work hard for it.. :)



Wah. This is good. After posting these things here, I feel like I'm ready to do this. ^^
And also the theme, should I change it to white? My theme is all black and it's really depressing every time I visit my blog. I should. ^^

Call out my heart, free my soul. 

____________________

Happy 50th Birthday Papa.

I love you.

<3

_______________________

Next year.. there will be one more less.

I wonder if people just invented the word "age" and it's sucking meaning.

Age, aging, ages.. aged.

The small and big difference of people's age. It's kind of disturbing. I can't sleep the whole night because of this big-age-gap-DIFFERENCE.

When I was young, I wish I can grow faster.

And now, that I'm aging, and gaining weight as well, things becomes so obscure. I wish I was younger enough to do so many things.

When I was young, I was so reckless. And I don't care if I can solve a problem or not.

But the cute side is that, it doesn't change a bit at all. I'm still reckless. I'll do things people would say I can't.. The problems itself increasing fantastically difficult by each year and yet my brain is still the same when I was 17 years old who can't figure out what is really important as of press time. And acquiring quite good wisdom as years pass by.

A kid who wanders the world with it's magnificent beauty and darkness. ^^

Next year, someone will go and somebody will comeback.

I, on the other hand still waiting for something to happen. Especially with my health issues..

I promise to become a better person. It's a promise for myself, not for you dude. PUHAHA. ^^

I learned a lot these past few days. I miss and will always miss our times together. You take care, and I'll be good. :)

People grow.. but usually grow apart. 

I built a house in my heart. You, and the rest of us will forever stay.

*****


Plus the joy of grief corner
Do not fight your body strong mind strong
Thank you for your love with
Everything changes, but we beat it 
- Happily Ever After

_____________________________

Bold Leap

Elleine's here again. Your #1 delivery girl of next-to-nothing-posts-slash-negative-things.. Your occasionally dose of life's sucking news. :)

I'm listening, as of this moment to Hwanhee's Because I Missed Your Heart. Until now, I'm still wondering what's wrong with the title of this song. I think, and still thinking that there is something really wrong. But I cant figure out. Anyway, the song is quite good and catchy.. It sweeps away the negative feelings this morning. Ü

I gathered all of my strength just to write in here. I've been in front of my computer since last night, but I can't think of anything to mutter something here.

I wanna share that, I kind of feeling well these past days. In fact, no suicide attempt.. to date. ^^
Second, I keep on cleaning and cleaning anything. From my closest to the books I read, to the stock of papers I have, to the songs I listened in my mp3 up to the files that was stored in my USB for about 3 years. I deleted some, read some and totally deleted almost all that I won't be needing. I realized, maybe I should start something from me, then things will follow accordingly.

Eloida said 20 minutes ago, that it feels like it's already Christmas. Funny thing is that, I sent her the song All I Want For Christmas Is You and she keeps on listening to it. With all honesty, I downloaded that song 2 months ago. Why? This is the story..

Have you ever feel that thing? When you really feel that something hit you, as if something really hit a nerve in you? I felt that. After I resigned from my work. Christmas, like any other occasions doesn't really feel like an occasion for me to celebrate. Based in my recent memory, I spent Christmas of 2008 sleeping for about 16 hours. From 7PM of Christmas Eve up until late afternoon of Christmas day itself. Never minding if I should join them on Noche Buena or not. Christmas of 2009 was quite horrible to remember. I hate that year.. 2009- really sucks! What an unfortunate year. I don't have a job. I'm reckless, adventurous but already had a dream. Christmas of 2010 was quite good, if judge by my alter ego. But in fact, there's no difference for the both 2009 and 2010 Christmases. It was that I don't have any cent to spare the year before and it was when all I want was to make 2010 Christmas perfect. Both sucks. People sucks. And I'm sick of comparing what is less and what is more, when all we know that less is more. Right??

I'm sorry if I pushed things to be perfect last year, when we can't. I'm sorry if I blew all the things that I have when in fact, God grant me my wishes. I'm sorry..

Going back to Eloida, I remember myself murmuring, "Christmas if for people with money," .. Haha!

That's true.
Right?

She also said that Chinky, her classmate in college quit her job. I congratulated her, I said.
There's nothing much I can say.
There were people who were born with that..
And there were people who were born simply without that..
It's what lies beneath every soul that counts.

There were people who were born with everything..
And there were people who were born without anything but breath.. and soon creates life.

I wish, I am some kind of an artist. I could just have a comeback next month or next year.
But I'm not. I was given this messy life to ACTUALLY fix it, help it, protect it, believe in it- myself. ^^

I will soon gather all the broken pieces of me and start again.
Start to write.
Start to play the guitar.
Start to run.
And keep on dreaming. Ü

Sick of crying, tired of trying, yes I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying. 

_______________________

It's when you don't know what will happen next that make things exciting.

:D

_____________

13th

I can't sleep. Really. It's 4:26 AM now in my computer but I really can't sleep.

I keep on thinking about things.. people.. happenings.. Gosh, I need help.

Even thinking about my medicine. I run out of it yesterday and because I have to take it twice a day, Mom rushed to the nearest drugstore to buy. But it turned out, the medicine that she bought was a bit bigger that the usual. In my doctor's prescription, it was stated that 200 mg of that particular medicine. Then, if it's a bit bigger, it could be, like, 400-500 mg, right? So far, I keep an eye for the medicines I take. I should be careful taking such thing that could harm me. I could get overdosed if I don't put some concern about it. Or I may die because of it. PUHAHAHAHA..

Isn't it what I want?

Dude, if ever, not in that way.

Hehe.. :D

So my simple solution was to take it once a day. For now..

*****

Oh, I wish I can help them. Should I get a job? Mom won't allow.

I wish, dude. I wish.

Or.. should I steal some money?

Haha.. that's pathetic.

Pathetic.
13.

*****

Because there's nothing much to do, I re-read the book I bought last.. Oh, I forgot, last 2009 or 2010??

The book Less Than Zero, first published in 1985 and made into a motion-picture. I read it the second time last night- it was disturbing. You know the feeling when you read the book the second time? That feeling when you really feel like you were the main character, that you possess great similarities and that you think there were some parts that you missed reading it the first time you read the book. I always feel that. If you call a person who's hobby is reading books a bookworm, then I am.. And the feeling of getting into the story, absorbing each word and after that, you can't get over about that thing and it hunts you even in your sleep.

Disturbing..

The book was really great. Dynamic in every sense. :)

In fact, this is one of the thousand reasons why I don't like watching TV or going to movies. What we usually see in TV or in movies are almost revision of the old things. I hate it when they make remakes of some great film, thinking they can surpass something the original had made. I searched the movie of this book, even watched the trailer and read some reviews, realizing that I should never watch the movie. It will ruin the book's impression. They revise, change the plot and just make something out of that book, it just ruins the original one.

Well, it's already morning in here.

Another day.

"I think I've never been there."

- Daniel, Less Than Zero

___________________________

Remembering 9/11

Who doesn't know the now famous term "9/11" ?
Maybe the ones who were born after the September 11, 2001 tragedy.

At that time, I was only 11 years old and was in my 5th grade when the news broke out, made the whole world stop to turn for a brief moment. It was huge- sudden moment, that killed thousands of people in one big blow. Leaving all the victim's families broken and shock. The whole world was shocked. I was shocked, too. But at that time, there was nothing I can do. Even the most powerful ones, they- we.. just stared in our televisions and watched at how the Twin Towers, the tallest buildings in the world at that time, crashed like a Lego, just falling down.

And telling how it happened and what happened that day could hurt many people, even me. The thought of losing someone in that so, so unfortunate way breaks my heart.

After a decade of mourning, the families of all the victims rejoiced for what seemed to be impossible. Osama bin Laden, killed in a battle that took 10 years to do, under the Administration of U.S. President Barack Obama offered the world the best revenge for someone who was the cause of all these heartbreaks.

9/11 is now trending in Twitter, and while reading their tweets, I can't help but shed tears. I cry because it was so heartbreaking. At that time, many people died, thousands of them, in fact. Media around the world covered a lot about it and it's just really heartbreaking. Beyond words..

And now, after 10 years, justice prevailed and everyone of us are moving on. Leaving the past behind but never the people who was killed, died and sacrificed themselves for the benefit of others. Thank you Lord!

Lights remembering the 9/11 attack, offered to the then Twin Towers, now Ground Zero and for all the victims.

__________________________________

The meaning and purpose of his miserable existence had a higher destiny.

- Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

____________________

Superman

Super Junior

(English Translation)

(bam bam bam bam)

Eunhyuk rap:

when i am coolly dancing in the group that’s one of a kind in the world and uniquely moving the world

Donghae rap:

all the elfs in the world fall fall fall for me

run run run to me

let’s rejoice in this moment together

Yesung:

i (emotionally) touch those people that have genuinely, quietly loved me

Kyuhyun:

there haven’t been moments where i’ve said useless things or not been truthful

Everyone:

our scale is the best and our scale (english) is the best

everything has to be the best

super junior is only missing the ‘man’ from the name of ‘superman’

our passion is the best and our concentration is the best

who would be able to say we’ve finished

super junior is only missing the ‘man’ from the name of ‘superman’

(bam bam bam bam)

Heechul:

now, now, now, who is it?

(shindong!)

Shindong rap:

so why do all of you look back when i am right here

who the hell are you looking for

i am shindong

Leeteuk:

should i pluck the stars for you, count them

one, two, three

with the stars we’ve lost

we are thirteen stars

Everyone:

but we are not lonely, we have sm family and ELFS

Ryeowook:

don’t be disappointed, don’t judge/betray us

you have already become drunk by the super holic

Sungmin:

try singing the song, and now even follow the dance

let’s get excited together

Everyone:

our scale is the best and our scale (english) is the best

everything has to be the best

super junior is only missing the ‘man’ from the name of ‘superman’

our passion is the best and our concentration is the best

who would be able to say we’ve finished

super junior is only missing the ‘man’ from the name of ‘superman’

Kyuhyun and Sungmin:

when your heart is sad, when you want to listen to a song,

when you need something to lift your spirits up,

we are next to you, let’s all come together

Everyone:

super junior

we are super junior

we are super super man

Eyeowook and Yesung:

when you’re very bored and surfing the internet, if you just type in ‘super’ our results will come come out

we are always by your side

scream it out

super junior

we are super super man

Eunhyuk:

even if they don’t know of us, we try our best every day,

Donghae:

if they question who who who we are, we show them our results

Everyone:

even if the road we walk is barren,

we are in the end, super junior

THE LAST MAN STANDING

Everyone:

our scale is the best and our scale (english) is the best

everything has to be the best

super junior is only missing the ‘man’ from the name of ‘superman’

our passion is the best and our concentration is the best

who would be able to say we’ve finished

super junior is only missing the ‘man’ from the name of ‘superman’

*****

Gosh, I am truly an ELF. :)

I love the line of Leeteuk.. ^^

This song is for all the bleeding ELFs around the globe..

♥ them :)

______________________

구

Wah! :)

Hello. Been away for a couple of days. Hmm..

Been busy with my life and health lately.

My life..

and my health..

doesn't connect at all. Hehe..

My life, still in the process of what I call "recovering", and my poor health keep on betraying me once in a while. But people said I look good. Looked good.

In fact, my body becoming weak by the day and I can't help but think deeply, "When will this misery end?".. ???

It's already September and I'm still here. PUHAHAHAHAHA.. :)

I take 3 kinds of medicine everyday. :'(

When will these things would stop???

I was like, taking medicines for the past 2 years until now. And every week, the medicines I take keep on changing. I wonder, if my kidney could talk, my kidney would yell at me, since it's hard to process all those drugs I take. Maybe, my kidney can't bear anymore.

There's this kinda big tablet that would choke me every time I take. There's this small one that looks like a pebble.. it's really frustrating. But even though this routine sucks, I still make an honest effort to take my medicines. It's the only thing I can do for myself. 

**And I'm sad. Really sad for Super Junior's Heechul, because he is now serving his army duty. :'(

Could they just go all together?? Hays..

We will miss you Space Big Star! ♥ **

Heenim's Time Capsule..

how many days until his discharge???

:'(

________________________

____________________________