How many days?

I forgot. I already forgotten how many days I've been away with you my beloved blog..
The past few weeks was so tough. I got sick for almost a week and was unable to stand on my own feet. :(

But I'm quite okay now. I can manage to stand, but walking straight is the current issue nowadays.
Dude, I didn't ate for almost 3 days, got so sick with slight flu and severe coldness, and now.. I can't walk. Yes. I can't walk. My left foot up to my left hand, fingers and arm was numb for more that a week!

Everyone is so worried up to this very moment.. Oh well, I manage to type with a single hand. :)
We went to the doctor last Saturday and the inevitable just happened..

So far, the only diagnosis in me is that I could possibly have an Arthritis. :'(
For this age, having a High Blood and Arthritis is really too much! I can't walk. My lower body is swollen. My left foot's also swollen. My finger and finger toes looked like sausages. My ankle can't stand my weight and my knee cap.. is shaking every time I stand.

So this is what you call dying..

And the worst part is, I got these red spots in my skin since the first day I got sick. The red spots are, like rashes and isn't visible in day time; but at night, I look like rashes with a head and swollen foot.
Gosh.

Am I able to walk well again?
I hate taking medications. My kidney's already yelling at me to stop taking a lot of medicines in my body. The doctor gave this, what do you call this.. It's actually a tablet medicine, somewhat like steroids to lower down the swelling of my lower body. But it turn out, like, my fingers are going to explode! They are so swollen.. my veins already visible and I can't move my fingers even a little bit. Jumbo sausages.

Tomorrow, we'll gonna go again to the hospital. My sister told me that I should really go the hospital and admit myself there. My condition is so severe up until this moment that I wonder when and will I could post another tantrums here.. :'(

I wish I could just go back to life..
Though I'm still okay, everyone is so worried.
My appetite decreased faster than I could imagine..
I can't easily respond to a question and my reflexes become dull and dull by the day..
The medicines I'm taking is already eating me up..

This condition is getting severe..
God, help me.
I've never been so positive in my entire life until now.
I just need a strong prayer..

Not everything stays forever, but there are some things you'd fight for, so you can have them just a little longer.

_________________________________

The big H.

Every year is like this. I know that sometimes it's too much of a thing but, dude, I hate this feeling.
In fact, since the beginning, I hesitated that it would go as far as like this.

But things, like other things, will eventually suck in the end.

That's why I'm taking an off. Yes, an off.
Maybe, a day or two. Or a month, or even a year.
Or even a day-off in this planet.

This is too much. Too much of an action. Too much responsibility. And too much for that word itself.
Things sucks. Life sucks. Technology sucks. I can't handle this anymore..

This blog sucks.


Future is always uncertain.
But still hoping that things will sooner or later fall into its right place.
I love you. I will always love you. You will always be the perfect one.. ♥

Patiently wait for me..

__________________________

God, where are You?

__________________________

Thank you.

To all who greeted me today, thank you so much for the wasted effort you exerted- posting greetings in my Facebook and sending SMS!

I'm touched. Wish I could live with it until next year..

Fuel me with your words..

Also, to Katherine whom I share a birth date with. Oh.. and to Vanness Wu..? Yah. My favorite F4 icon. ^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

I'm not expecting that people would ACTUALLY greet me, through FB, SMS and even personally. Thank you.. Thank you.. Thank you.. :)

Quite happy after all. I made it this day. Tomorrow is another challenge..

Happy that I got to listen to my mp3 and sing along with my guitar.

Be with 'Gol for a while and visited God's house for a second.

Been able to communicate to the other people in the other side of the world.

Felt the presence of Papa.. and every breathe that I got to breathe today.

Happiness..

Thank you.

*****

Memories

Super Junior

We used to love during the many days we were together
We used to hurt together- making each other’s pain our own

Where are you? Can’t you hear my voice?
My pained heart is looking for you
Is calling out to you- crazily

My heart, my tears, my memories of you
Drop by drop, they are falling against my chest
Though I cry and I cry, the memories won’t erase
And again today, I drench my empty heart

We used to like each other- you laughed at my smile
We used to cry together- you were pained by my tears

Where are you? Can’t you see my tired body?
My pained heart is looking for you
Is calling ou to you – crazily

My heart, my tears, my memories of you
Drop by drop, they are falling against my chest
Though I cry and I cry, the memories won’t erase
And again today, I drench my empty heart

Please come back to me- I call out your name every night
And in my exhausted waiting, I wander around and look for you

My love, my tears, our memories
Drop by drop, they are falling against my chest
Though I cry and I cry, the memories won’t erase
And again today, I drench my empty heart

______________________________

It was stated in my Birth Certificate that I was born at exactly 4:15 AM of August 7..

Of all the flaws, pains, heartaches and broken dreams.. reaching this age seems like my final year on earth. 

FIREWORKS and CAKE!!

My family really prepared for this day. They invited all of the people who WAS then special to me, but not anymore. Based on what happened yesterday, they will seem to ruin my special day by bringing this people alive right in front of my eyes. My best solution? I'll stay OUT the whole day today. Who cares? I do not need any of your surprises. There's nothing surprising about those things at all. It all seems fake.

Sounds bitter but it's true. This day could be the hellish birthday of my life.. and I'm not going to let them ruin my day. I'm gonna go somewhere and experience life. After all, today is my birthday.

How I wish I can be the person I was before- healthy, intelligent, full of motivation and always positive. But why on earth did these things happened to me? As I grow old, I kind of losing everything I had learned, when in fact, I should grow up and develop into something. But I'm not. That fact is really depressing...

I still haven't got a decent sleep in my current bed since I resigned from my job. How I wish I could have a large bed, enough for my big, unhealthy body. Whenever I would sleep, I would tire myself to death just to have a deep sleep.

I was thinking about what to say in this post. Do I have to thank people? Of course, I would never do that. Then I thought of thanking my prized possession things. With all honesty, I'll hurt myself if something bad happen to my mp3 and guitar. Is it too much to say that I would rather listen to my mp3 than listen to my family? But I usually do that. And I don't care because they also don't care. My mp3 become my escape, solace, hero. It is the only thing I can actually compare to a hero figure. And the songs "Someday I'll Be Good Enough" and "Bonamana (Miina)" saved me a thousand times. Whenever I'll put my headphone, it takes me to a different place, a place where I  am truly belong. I imagine things. I imagine myself. Wishing I could be my own super hero. And if I will get a chance to meet BodySlam and Super Junior, I'll thank them for their wonderful songs; songs that saved me. :)

I'm progressing in my guitar skills. No one said that to me but I noticed. :D

What if I don't have a guitar? Aish.. I'm really useless, in that manner. And the only benefit the world would have get from me is that I could be a good fertilizer! Haha.. A living decay. I'm the one who's responsible for the heavy dusts coating our house!

More than two months had passed but nothing change.

And I'm  not expecting for Papa to greet me today. He can't even remember our names, so as our birthdays.

Be healthy and safe for me.

Gonna thank my heart and health.. even though you two had betrayed me a thousand times before, I can't still live without you. To my heart, you are allowed to stop beating anytime you want! XD

The day had just started and there will be unexpected things. I just stand by here and watch! Puhahaha..

Oh, I still want to marry Eunhyuk! Haha.. Nothing changed. ♥

.

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.

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How I wish  you could see the real me. That you could feel what I felt when I was there. It was so hard and difficult. I thought I would never make it that day. How I wish you could see the desire in my eyes, that I want to live a normal life. How I wish you could be the person who'll support and cheer me up. How I wish.. But all I can see and feel is just a mess. A very big mess inside and out. How I wish..

God knows what are my wishes and prayers.

Just stay longer for us.

Guess I have to sleep!

Happy birthday, Elleine.. :)

______________________________

MuSicCore. ♥

I came across this thing at Facebook, but forgot who posted this. Anyway, all the credit still goes to him/her.. :)

See that pregnant teen over there? She was raped. See that guy doing his homework from last night? He convinced his friend out of suicide. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that guy who is sobbing? His mother is dying. See that show-off guy? He's standing up to bullies. See that fat woman? She has a health problem. Don't judge people. You don't know their life.

If you happened to read this, please spread this to everyone you know. It's powerful. ^_^

***

______________________

Because I'm an ELF.

Make this blog useful.. XD

Earlier today, K-Pop Idol SUPER JUNIOR made their comeback! Releasing their full lenght music video of their 5th Album, titled "Mr. Simple", which is also the title of the first track/comeback single Mr. Simple.. And as of press time, Mr. Simple is one of the most discussed and viewed music video in YouTube! Garnering 53k+ likes and 32k+ comments since the release of the video today!

Oh.. Mr Simple is also trending in Twitter! :)

*****

Mr. Simple

Super Junior

Because You Naughty, Naughty Hey! Mr. Simple
Because You Naughty, Naughty Suju ganda!

[Kyuhyun] Sesangi nae mamdaero an doendago hwaman naemyeon

an dwae geureol piryo eobsji

[Siwon] geogjeongdo paljada jageun ile neomu yeonyeonhaji malja

mome johji anha

[Heechul] Seongjeogi johatdaga nappatdaga geureon geoji mwo heung!

siljeogi ollatdaga tteoleojyeotda geureon ttaedo itji

[Donghae] Eojjeomyeon gwaenchanha swieo ganeun geotdo joha

 modeun geosi ttae, ttae, ttae, ttae, ttaega itneun geonikka

[Yesung] Geudaega namjaramyeon chingul manna sul han jane teoreobeorigo 

(Alright!) Alright

[Ryeowook] Geudaega yeojaramyeon chingul manna suda tteoleo narryeobeorigo (Alright!) Alright, Alright

[All] Bwara Mr. Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
Bwara Misseu Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo ( SJ Call! )
Bwara Mr. Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
Bwara Misseu Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo ( SJ Call! )

[All] Gaja gaja eoseo gaja maghyeosseul ttaen doragaja golchi apa juggettdamyeon oneul haluman nolgo boja

[All] Angeuraedo geochin sesang jugeora ttwimyeon naman jichyeo gidaryeobwa akkyeodwo bwa neoui nari god oltenikka

       [All] Blow Your Mind (Gara Mr. Simple)    

Blow Your Mind ttaega watjanha duryeowo malgo
Blow Your Mind (Gaja Mr. Simple)
Blow Your Mind ttaega watjanha junbi dwaetjanha

[Sungmin] sog sseogneun iri han du gaji anin sesange urin sara

geugeon aedo ara

[Leeteuk] mwo ireohge eoryeobna uri jal meoggo jal jago tto jalhamyeon geuleohgehamyeondoeji

[Ryeowook] Geudaega hwaga namyeon chingul manna dwisdamhwaro pureobeorigo (Alright!) Alright, Alright

[Eunhyuk] Geudaega goelobdamyeon norae bulleo sori jilleo narryeobeorigo (Alright!) Alright, Alright

[All] Bwara Mr. Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
Bwara Misseu Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo ( SJ Call! )
Bwara Mr. Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
Bwara Misseu Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo ( SJ Call! )

[Eunhyuk]Dance [Leeteuk] jayuran ge mwo geuri byeolgeo ittna

 [Donghae] Just Get It Get It!
[Leeteuk] sosohan iltarui jaemi [Ryeowook] dungdungdung kungkungkung
[Shindong] saraaittneun geudael neukkigo sipna

[Donghae] Just Grab It Grab It!
[Shindong] Gaseum ttwineun nae kkumdeurui yaegi

[Ryeowook]dungdungdung kungkungkung
[All] (Because You Naughty, Naughty)

[Kyuhyun] Ije geogjeong hajima apen joheun nari ol geoya

simgaghan yaegin da dwiro mirwodugo

[Yesung] oneureun balgge useobwa

geudaeui hwanhan useume modu gibun johajyeo

[All] Bwara Mr. Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
Bwara Misseu Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo ( SJ Call! )
Bwara Mr. Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaeneun geudaero meotjyeo
Bwara Misseu Simple, Simple geudaeneun geudaero yeppeo ( SJ Call! )

[All] Gaja gaja eoseo gaja maghyeotteul ttaen doragaja golchi apa juggettdamyeon oneul haruman nolgo boja
[All] Angeuraedo geochin sesang jugeora ttwimyeon naman jichyeo gidaryeobwa akkyeodwo bwa neoui nari god oltenikka

          [All] Blow Your Mind (Gara Mr. Simple)
Blow Your Mind ttaega wattjanha duryeowo malgo
Blow Your Mind (Gaja Mr. Simple)
Blow Your Mind (Gara Mr. Simple)

---

Translation:

Because you naughty naughty

Hey! Mr Simple

Because you naughty naughty

Suju let’s go!

You can’t flare up if things in this world don’t go your way

There is no need for that

Don’t be too worried don’t be too troubled over little things

This isn’t good for your body

Results can sometimes be bad or good Hmph

Performances have their good and bad times too

It’s ok

Take a rest and then continue again would be pretty good

Because there will be a time for everything. Chance chance chance chance

If you’re a man meet up with your friends for a drink and talk it out, Alright, Alright

If you’re a woman meet up with your friends for some gossip to forget everything else, Alright, Alright, Alright

Look Mr Simple Simple

He is he is still so handsome

Look Miss Simple Simple

She is she is still so pretty

Look Mr Simple Simple

He is he is still so handsome

Look Miss Simple Simple

She is she is still so pretty

Let’s go Lets go quick lets go if there are barriers then turn back

If you have headaches then play for a day

In this rough world, if I keep running I would be the only one tired out anyway

Try waiting, try treasuring your day will soon be here

Blow your mind

Let’s go Mr Simple

Blow your mind

The time is now don’t be afraid

Blow your mind

Let’s go Mr Simple

Blow your mind

The time is now aren’t you already prepared

Sad things are a dime a dozen when we live in this earth.

Even children know this

What is so difficult? As long as we eat and sleep and do well

It would be enough

When angry you meet up with friends to vent your anger

Alright Alright

When you upset sing a song or shout and forget everything

Alright alright alright

Look Mr Simple Simple

He is he is still so handsome

Look Miss Simple Simple

She is she is still so pretty

Look Mr Simple Simple

He is he is still so handsome

Look Miss Simple Simple

She is she is still so pretty

Dance

Freedom is nothing great

Just get it just get it

Dong dong dong Kong Kong Kong

Want to feel it when alive

Just grab it just grab it

The stories related to my dreams that make my heart leap

Dong dong dong kong kong kong

Because you naughty naughty

Don’t worry, now the good times will here soon

Smile brightly today

Everyone will feel better because of his bright smile

Look Mr Simple Simple

He is he is still so handsome

Look Miss Simple Simple

She is she is still so pretty

Look Mr Simple Simple

He is he is still so handsome

Look Miss Simple Simple

She is she is still so pretty

Let’s go Lets go quick lets go if there are barriers then turn back

If you have headaches then play for a day

In this rough world, if I keep running I would be the only one tired out anyway

Try waiting, try treasuring your day will soon be here

Blow your mind

Let’s go Mr Simple

Blow your mind

The time is now don’t be afraid

Blow your mind

Let’s go Mr Simple

Blow your mind

*****

Let us support Super Junior!! ♥

Prom15e to 13elieve, 10ve and prot3ct.

____________________________

Comeback.

Yesterday was quite good and earlier today was a blessing. :)

Since the latter half of 2009, my family decided that we should move out and live quietly- maybe in another town or abroad. My sister said, "To start afresh," but I always wanted to end my life that's why I never participated in some down-the-toilet argument every time this topic would be discuss. 2009 ended just like that, same to 2010. And here comes the feeling of Christmas.. Dude, I wanna go somewhere!

Three weeks ago, I was throwing some tantrums (Yes, tantrums, my darling. Ü) and told my mother that we should move out IMMEDIATELY. She got panicked. And after an hour she told me that if I can JUST take a shower then maybe she can show me a house inside Pilar Village, and that she really anticipate if the opinion is from me. Oh well, I obeyed her and we've gone somewhere I DO NOT KNOW. Then she showed me a house..

A house that was a little small. Smaller for us. Duh? Two bedrooms? What are we like? Sardines that can fit in a small can? My family is a big family, a mother, 2 thinner than a stick daughter, a Meralco post-like son, a big-pig-young-adult-son.. and me (no more descriptions :D). We cannot fit in a house that small. So I said no. No. I do not like the house as well. So quite. You could hear the birds sounds and the whispers of leaves. It would be scary in night time and would push me to kill myself as soon as we moved in.

The following day was also like that.. to the extent that I refused to see any of her choices. I wonder what's behind her choices? There's nothing I can like about her choices. The houses was kinda weird that I even thought there were living whatsoever there before we could move in.

And then yesterday, the thought of giving our house in Muntinlupa City another chance was okay to me. It was so okay that I said, "I wanna go there NOW. You (my mother) should get ready. We will see the house now." Ahahaha! That's it. Actually, our house there is still rented by the family I never met before. And I don't want to know them either..

So this is the story of what happened yesterday. Sorry for the lack of word but Mama was so stupid, we were still in Alabang-Zapote Road when she told me that we should get off from the jeepney because she saw a cab that would make a trip through Daang Hari to our house. Remember when I posted a picture of Daang Hari, almost two years ago? Daang Hari was like.. a long and wide road that only vehicles such as cars, trucks, vans and motors can only pass? And a very few landmarks and store are only there. If you want to go somewhere and gonna ride through Daang Hari, you should have your own car. Unfortunately, none in our family knows how to drive, so as me. That's why we don't own a car. And since Las Piñas City has the heaviest traffic every minute along Alabang-Zapote, it would help if we don't have a car. Less car, less traffic.

But the cab the we have rode would not pass the way to our house. Unfortunately again, we're already there and no choice but to take the ride. While thinking what the hell my mother did, I was also thinking.. where on earth we would be able to get there when it seems like it will take a year before we could get into our destination..

After an hour, Mom told me that we should take off. Thinking again, what the hell was that? If we get off the cab, then what's next? I don't see any cab or jeepney riding along the long and wide highway. Only trees, rain and heavy wind are in there. So we got off, again, no choice. There we were, standing in the sidewalk with no one to ask to. Until I saw an old man walking toward to our direction. I did not double think because as far as my senses are concerned, we already lost ourselves in Daang Hari, thanks to my genius mother. Then I asked the old man courteously if he can help us find our way to Ridge View, Victoria Homes. Luckily, the luckiest thing that day, he is indeed going to Ridge View because there he is currently living. To my surprise, the direction where we got off the cab was the way to Ridge View. Again, the unfortunate thing is that the old man would like to walk.. WALK through the long highway! My goodness, I thought I lost all my patience in that moment. If you could only see Daang Hari.. Such a deserted highway. Then my genius mother talked to Mr. Old Man nonstop as if they know each other that much. So we started walking, they walk so fast I was left behind. I wasn't able to walk or carry heavy things, I'm allowed to do so as advised by my doctor. It was scary because the rain started falling, but it wasn't that heavy that I don't mind opening my umbrella. Yes, because we have still typhoon here and bringing your own umbrella would be the best thing to do now a days. I also had my jacket so it's okay. We were walking and walking and walking and I was close to shouting what the hell was happening and that I wanna ask Mr. Old Man where does Ridge View located in Daang Hari, is it on the other end of the highway??

Walking under the not-so-heavy rain is quite cool. I even put my headphones on and started to listen to a song I just downloaded the day before that unfortunate day. That was not the only unfortunate thing. Mr. Old Man told us that there's a shortcut to Ridge View, and I wonder again and again, where? Hehe.. He told us that we should cross the road, then we crossed the road. I saw a high fence made by cement. Gosh, are we gonna cross this also? This is trespassing, indeed. No choice, but we have to. And because it already rained so heavy, there were mud all over the street! No surprise, my jeans got wet and muddy and my sneakers! Oh my sneakers got soaked in the mud!

Finally, we got to our destination- our house. Our house was bought when I was only 4. We moved in there and stayed for 2 years. But because of my father's business, we have to go back here in Las Piñas. Oh, by the way, me, my eldest sister and my younger brother was born in Las Piñas. My mother and father first met also in Las Piñas, and with all gratefulness, I'm a Las Piñera. ^^

But things get so sucked up. I'm getting more ill by the day, and would die soon so before anything go wrong, I wanted to move out and chooses our house in Muntinlupa until every thing become okay and I can go back to work.

Back to the house.. when we arrived there, it was.. hay, so messed up. I even said that I would kill that renter if I ever see him/her. I know mother heard me that's why I think I would never get to see them personally. She knew me. I would do such thing only family members know.

Well, we didn't get to see the renter personally, she was currently in Singapore and only her mother was the one who is taking care of the house. They actually used the word 'taking care' in which my ears ached, I wanted to thrown something at her. I'm sorry, I'm always like this. Throwing something wherever I don't like what I'm seeing or hearing..

It was already dark and cold and raining and all I wanna do was lie in my bed, shut my eyes, sleep hoping to die. Before we leave the house of the renter's mother, which I never laid eyes on her face, I told my mother that we should take a good ride. Hehe.. The walk in Daang Hari was kinda traumatic. I would never do that again. They said their goodbyes, ending their conversation in a, "I would tell my daughter, so I can immediately move our things.. blah, blah, blah." Because I started to walk away. Hehe..

We arrived at home, dude, I don't know what time was it. All I know is that the moment I entered my room I'm already asleep. :D

This post is quite long. :)
Earlier today was a blessing, thank you Lord!
I feel happy today, I wish tomorrow would be okay.

***

We live in a world where even retirements are reversed, so feel free to come back.

___________________________

I made it to August.. :D

Because I thought I will never.. ever make it to August of this year. Last month, July, I was attempting on killing myself. Yeah, killing myself..

And so far, I'd done at least 4 attempts with different kinds of ways on killing oneself. :D

But with this unfortunate life of mine.. Even trying on killing myself was unsuccessful, too.

I guess, I should try something new and brutal.. XD

I'm quite happy with this matter-of-fact confession. The same thing goes to the fact that I made it to August.. So hard, yet I'm still breathing. And I wonder really.. why?

It's kinda weird when someone just passing by behind me make me feel like to total shit. Honestly, that's true. Even when my Auntie was just going to kitchen and I happened to be there too, doing something then she comes in, I would like, I won't be moving until she goes out of the room. Aww.. ~~.

And whenever there were people visiting us, I feel scared as if they would gonna throw a bomb! Hehe.. that's true.. Until now, I do not get myself acquainted with newspapers or television. Whenever there is a particular scene in a show my little siblings are watching, I was like.. "TURN OFF THAT TV OR ELSE.." and they were like, no choice but to turn off the TV because I might smash it right in front of their eyes!

Oh, I'm dizzy.. and quite happy. 

☺

I wonder what is in the World of Capable? Are they also trying their hardest for something? Or are they just doing something to prove? Or are they just wasting their lives by doing something they do not want to do?..

Whatever.. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

I just want this to end.

***

OT.

Just want to share the 2 music video teasers of the Super Junior's 5th Album, entitled "Mr. Simple"..

I already heard the whole song through Music Bugs and I love the songs immediately. :)

SUJU ♥

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