Pare.. mababaliw na yata ako.
I'm loosing it..
I'm sorry.
_______________________
27 June 2011
26 June 2011
3 Days Left..
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
______________________
24 June 2011
20 June 2011
Daddy's Girl
Hello everyone. Meet my dad, his name is Edizer. But many of his colleagues usually calls him Eddie..
^_^
Dang!
Enough formalities. Hihi.. Anyway, that's my dad. Yes. My dad. And I'd forgotten to inform you, my beloved blog that dad just got home! OHH.. not 'just' but got home last May 30. Isa siya sa mga na-shock na malamang wala na palang trabaho ang kanyang magaling anak na si ako. :D
But before anything goes to anywhere, I would really love to tell all of the daddy's out there a BIG Happy Father's Day! ^^
Si papa? Nakuha ko sa kanya ang aking kilay, mata, labi, kulay ng balat, tangkad, boses at higit sa lahat, ang pagiging neat freak. :) Si papa ang tipo ng tatay na susugod sa school kapag nalaman niyang may umaaway o umaapi sa kanyang anak. Isang tatay na ipaglalaban ang kanyang anak kahit na sino pa man ang makatapat. Hindi siya duwag at lalong hindi maramot, pero saksakan ng kuripot. ^^ Napakaraming bagay ang makakapag-describe kay papa.. sa dami lang eh baka abutin ako ng bukas. Bwahaha..
I could still remember his initial reaction nang sabihin kong wala na akong trabaho. Nabigla siya pero hindi nalungkot. Sa totoo lang, isa siya sa nagiging dahilan ko hanggang ngayon kung bakit kahit I regretted the fact that I don't have work as of press time but the fact that I left work because of personal and emotional reasons, he has understood those things. He saw in me the pain and the struggles I've been through. He's one of the very few people who cheered me like I've won on a lottery and never minding the fact that sooner or later I'll run out of money and be a worthless pig, again. He just doesn't mind. And that makes it more easier for my part. Pinadadali niya ang mga panahong ito.. at binibigyan n'ya ako ng rason para magpatuloy. He's the one who told me the words, "Forget them," and "There will always be a second chance.."
I love him with all my heart.
I love you papa, you know that. Although you didn't have the best and the greatest sons and daughters, you ACTUALLY HAVE 4 BIG PIG KIDS who will fight and was and will always be there for you; and you will always be simply perfect in our eyes. Our hero, our dad.
You'll leave soon, and work on Dubai again.. malayo sa amin. Sana kahit saan ka man mapunta, maging ligtas at masaya ka. Ang aming walang tigil na dasal para sa'yo sana palagi rin dinggin ng Maykapal. :)
Hello everyone. Meet my dad, his name is Edizer. But many of his colleagues usually calls him Eddie..
^_^
Dang!
Enough formalities. Hihi.. Anyway, that's my dad. Yes. My dad. And I'd forgotten to inform you, my beloved blog that dad just got home! OHH.. not 'just' but got home last May 30. Isa siya sa mga na-shock na malamang wala na palang trabaho ang kanyang magaling anak na si ako. :D
But before anything goes to anywhere, I would really love to tell all of the daddy's out there a BIG Happy Father's Day! ^^
Si papa? Nakuha ko sa kanya ang aking kilay, mata, labi, kulay ng balat, tangkad, boses at higit sa lahat, ang pagiging neat freak. :) Si papa ang tipo ng tatay na susugod sa school kapag nalaman niyang may umaaway o umaapi sa kanyang anak. Isang tatay na ipaglalaban ang kanyang anak kahit na sino pa man ang makatapat. Hindi siya duwag at lalong hindi maramot, pero saksakan ng kuripot. ^^ Napakaraming bagay ang makakapag-describe kay papa.. sa dami lang eh baka abutin ako ng bukas. Bwahaha..
I could still remember his initial reaction nang sabihin kong wala na akong trabaho. Nabigla siya pero hindi nalungkot. Sa totoo lang, isa siya sa nagiging dahilan ko hanggang ngayon kung bakit kahit I regretted the fact that I don't have work as of press time but the fact that I left work because of personal and emotional reasons, he has understood those things. He saw in me the pain and the struggles I've been through. He's one of the very few people who cheered me like I've won on a lottery and never minding the fact that sooner or later I'll run out of money and be a worthless pig, again. He just doesn't mind. And that makes it more easier for my part. Pinadadali niya ang mga panahong ito.. at binibigyan n'ya ako ng rason para magpatuloy. He's the one who told me the words, "Forget them," and "There will always be a second chance.."
I love him with all my heart.
I love you papa, you know that. Although you didn't have the best and the greatest sons and daughters, you ACTUALLY HAVE 4 BIG PIG KIDS who will fight and was and will always be there for you; and you will always be simply perfect in our eyes. Our hero, our dad.
You'll leave soon, and work on Dubai again.. malayo sa amin. Sana kahit saan ka man mapunta, maging ligtas at masaya ka. Ang aming walang tigil na dasal para sa'yo sana palagi rin dinggin ng Maykapal. :)
We love you, papa! :)
Happy Father's Day..
_______________________
19 June 2011
18 June 2011
"Hi," I say.
"Shh!" She points to a plate with a bowl over it on the coffee table.
Lifting the bowl, I discovered two soggy pieces of French toast. I sit on a pillow on the floor and dig in. The slices are lukewarm and a little underdone in the middle. "Yum," I tell her, but she's concentrating on her program.
On TV, a tiny brown mole digs a hole in the sand and hides. I like the nature shows for their slow, matter-of-fact approach. "In the desert," the narrator says quietly, as though narrating a golf tournament, "a hole. . . is a very good thing."
You can't argue with that.
- Good Grief, Lolly Winston
__________________________
14 June 2011
♥ BODYSLAM ♥
Dude, I'm in love.
:D
Yes! I'm in love with the Thailand's Coolest band "BODYSLAM" !!! -applause-
My God, I am so excited to blurt this out in here I'm already shaking! Hehe..
Ganito pala maging fan! Na-o-ogag lang naman ako..
Kulang na lang lumipad ako all the from here to Thailand- no, all the way from here to their homes para lang masatisfied ako. Oo, I'm addicted. Addicted with the Bodyslam!! Wahh..
And also, so, so addicted to their 2002 single 'Someday I'll Be Good Enough' ..
The song was the most played song in my play list and, ehem, the only song in my mp3, so far! I've deleted the rest (643 songs, to be exact) just so this song is the only song to be played- continuously repeated. :D
At hindi lang ako addict, high na high na rin. Sa tuwing pinapatugtog ko ito, eh gusto na akong batuhin ng baso ng mga kapatid ko kasi talagang rak-en-rol ako.. hehe.. never minding what's going on around. ^^
After ko mawalan ng trabaho, I'm amazed to myself that having a job at this point of my life is not in my top priority list. Dude, the 'I WANNA SEE BODYSLAM LIVE IN FULL FLESH IN A CONCERT AND HAVE THEIR INDIVIDUAL AUTOGRAPHS..' is the top in my priority list! Forget having a job for a while. I wanna be a BODYSLAM fan for a long, long time.
At napapangiti ako ngayon, while listening to their song. ^^
Their song Someday I'll Be Good Enough has so many meanings that's why I love it..
Chun dtong tum hai dai kong mee suk wun
I’ll do what I have to to be able to reach it one day
Kae yah plur pai mee krai yung ngai gor ror gun noy
Just don’t carelessly go off and get someone else, no matter what, wait for me
Hai tur chuay ror gun noy
Please wait for me
Hai tur chuay ror chun dai reu plao
Can you please wait for me?
Dude, I'm in love.
:D
Yes! I'm in love with the Thailand's Coolest band "BODYSLAM" !!! -applause-
My God, I am so excited to blurt this out in here I'm already shaking! Hehe..
Ganito pala maging fan! Na-o-ogag lang naman ako..
Kulang na lang lumipad ako all the from here to Thailand- no, all the way from here to their homes para lang masatisfied ako. Oo, I'm addicted. Addicted with the Bodyslam!! Wahh..
And also, so, so addicted to their 2002 single 'Someday I'll Be Good Enough' ..
The song was the most played song in my play list and, ehem, the only song in my mp3, so far! I've deleted the rest (643 songs, to be exact) just so this song is the only song to be played- continuously repeated. :D
At hindi lang ako addict, high na high na rin. Sa tuwing pinapatugtog ko ito, eh gusto na akong batuhin ng baso ng mga kapatid ko kasi talagang rak-en-rol ako.. hehe.. never minding what's going on around. ^^
After ko mawalan ng trabaho, I'm amazed to myself that having a job at this point of my life is not in my top priority list. Dude, the 'I WANNA SEE BODYSLAM LIVE IN FULL FLESH IN A CONCERT AND HAVE THEIR INDIVIDUAL AUTOGRAPHS..' is the top in my priority list! Forget having a job for a while. I wanna be a BODYSLAM fan for a long, long time.
At napapangiti ako ngayon, while listening to their song. ^^
Their song Someday I'll Be Good Enough has so many meanings that's why I love it..
***
Someday I'll Be Good Enough
Bodyslam
Yahk dee por hai tur dai mun jai
I want to be good enough so you can be sure
Dtae tee por mee gor kae tua tua pai
But as soon as I reach it, it’s just common
Kwahm jing tee tur yung lung lay yung mai tay hai gun mot hua jai
The truth is you’re still uncertain, you still won’t pour your heart out to me
Gung won wah tur ja jur krai tee ruk tur meuan gun
I’m worried you’ll meet someone who loves you too
Chun gor loey kae kor hai…tur
So I’m just going to ask you
Tur yah perng pai bauk ruk krai ror chun dai reu mai
Don’t go telling anyone else you love them, can you wait for me?
Wun tee chun ja dee por yahk ja kor welah noy
For the day that I’m good enough, just give me a little time
Mun kong mai nahn gern pai
It won’t be too long
Tur pen kon dee tee krai kao dtong gahn
You’re a good person who everyone wants
Tur pen kon diao tee krai gor fao fun
You’re the single person who everyone dreams about
Yung ngai gor yung ja jing jung gor kor tum took tahn soot hua jai
No matter what, I’m still serious, I’ll do everything for your heart
Tum dee hai tao tee kit wai yahk hai rao dai koo gun
I’ll do as many good things as you can think of, I want us to be a couple
Chun gor loey kae kor hai…tur
So I’m just going to ask you
Tur yah perng pai bauk ruk krai ror chun dai reu mai
Don’t go telling anyone else you love them, can you wait for me?
I want to be good enough so you can be sure
Dtae tee por mee gor kae tua tua pai
But as soon as I reach it, it’s just common
Kwahm jing tee tur yung lung lay yung mai tay hai gun mot hua jai
The truth is you’re still uncertain, you still won’t pour your heart out to me
Gung won wah tur ja jur krai tee ruk tur meuan gun
I’m worried you’ll meet someone who loves you too
Chun gor loey kae kor hai…tur
So I’m just going to ask you
Tur yah perng pai bauk ruk krai ror chun dai reu mai
Don’t go telling anyone else you love them, can you wait for me?
Wun tee chun ja dee por yahk ja kor welah noy
For the day that I’m good enough, just give me a little time
Mun kong mai nahn gern pai
It won’t be too long
Tur pen kon dee tee krai kao dtong gahn
You’re a good person who everyone wants
Tur pen kon diao tee krai gor fao fun
You’re the single person who everyone dreams about
Yung ngai gor yung ja jing jung gor kor tum took tahn soot hua jai
No matter what, I’m still serious, I’ll do everything for your heart
Tum dee hai tao tee kit wai yahk hai rao dai koo gun
I’ll do as many good things as you can think of, I want us to be a couple
Chun gor loey kae kor hai…tur
So I’m just going to ask you
Tur yah perng pai bauk ruk krai ror chun dai reu mai
Don’t go telling anyone else you love them, can you wait for me?
Wun tee chun ja dee por
For the day that I’ll be good enough
Yahk ja kor welah dai mai
Could you give me a little time, please?
Tur gor kae yahk hai rao ruk gun
You… I just want us to be in love
Chun dtong tum hai dai kong mee suk wun
I’ll do what I have to to be able to reach it one day
Kae yah plur pai mee krai yung ngai gor ror gun noy
Just don’t carelessly go off and get someone else, no matter what, wait for me
Yung ngai gor yung ja yeun yun yahk hai rao dai koo gun..
No matter what, I’ll still reassure you that I want us to be a couple
For the day that I’ll be good enough
Yahk ja kor welah dai mai
Could you give me a little time, please?
Tur gor kae yahk hai rao ruk gun
You… I just want us to be in love
Chun dtong tum hai dai kong mee suk wun
I’ll do what I have to to be able to reach it one day
Kae yah plur pai mee krai yung ngai gor ror gun noy
Just don’t carelessly go off and get someone else, no matter what, wait for me
Yung ngai gor yung ja yeun yun yahk hai rao dai koo gun..
No matter what, I’ll still reassure you that I want us to be a couple
Chun gor loey kae kor hai…tur
So I’m just going to ask you
Tur yah perng pai bauk ruk krai ror chun dai reu mai
Don’t go telling anyone else you love them, can you wait for me?
So I’m just going to ask you
Tur yah perng pai bauk ruk krai ror chun dai reu mai
Don’t go telling anyone else you love them, can you wait for me?
Wun tee chun ja dee por
For the day that I’ll be good enough
Yahk ja kor welah dai mai
Could you give me a little time, please?
Tur gor kae yahk hai rao ruk gun
You… I just want us to be in love
Chun dtong tum hai dai kong mee suk wun
I’ll do what I have to to be able to reach it one day
Kae yah plur pai mee krai yung ngai gor ror gun noy
Just don’t carelessly go off and get someone else, no matter what, wait for me
For the day that I’ll be good enough
Yahk ja kor welah dai mai
Could you give me a little time, please?
Tur gor kae yahk hai rao ruk gun
You… I just want us to be in love
Chun dtong tum hai dai kong mee suk wun
I’ll do what I have to to be able to reach it one day
Kae yah plur pai mee krai yung ngai gor ror gun noy
Just don’t carelessly go off and get someone else, no matter what, wait for me
Chun dtong tum hai dai kong mee suk wun
I’ll do what I have to to be able to reach it one day
Kae yah plur pai mee krai yung ngai gor ror gun noy
Just don’t carelessly go off and get someone else, no matter what, wait for me
Hai tur chuay ror gun noy
Please wait for me
Hai tur chuay ror chun dai reu plao
Can you please wait for me?
***
I love Bodyslam!!
Oh! Especially Toon.. the Bodyslam Lead Vocalist. ^^
 |
| Toon |
 |
| Toon |
 |
| Toon |
and Yod, the band's Guitarist..
 |
| Yod |
 |
| Yod |
wahh.. I love Bodyslam! :)
♥♥♥
__________________________________
13 June 2011
June 12.
Nothing unusual happened yesterday, June 12.
Time check: 2:55 AM, June 13
After the clock turns 12 AM of June 12, I was already busy..
Busy surfing the net..
Busy downloading..
Busy reading Good Grief by Lolly Winston, and finished it before dawn said goodbye to our kitchen window- the book became one of my favorites. ^^
Busy drinking coffee..
Busy sleeping.. I slept at around 7 AM..
Busy doing whatever things..
And has been busy rushing up to the mall.
Yesterday was the last day of the 3-Day Sale at SM Southmall. So what would you'd expected? Gone to the mall with Bibz and Wini Da Pu, spent the last drop of my money from my savings to fix my guitar. I'd bought a new, NEW and new to my knowledge strings and let the assistant in Lyric, the store where I bought my guitar, fixed and tuned it, at last. Dude, at last.
Then, we went to Book Sale. I bought SIX (6) paperback books from the store which costs PHP. 119.00. - mura 'no? ^^ .. but found out that the cashier only credited 5 of the 6 books I bought. Which saved me PHP 20.00 .. :D Kasalanan ko ba? ^^
We ate at Mang Inasal, slashed another hundred and fifty pesos at my dying savings to buy a new headphone. I encouraged Wini Da Pu to buy a headphone for her cellphone, also.
Anyways, in short, I was so tired. Really tired that I'm wondering what the hell am I doing right now? I'm so sleepy I think I'm already sleeping and typing this post in dreamland!
Happy Independence Day sa ating lahat! :)
For all the heroes who sacrificed their own lives for the benefit of the mankind, I am eternally grateful for that! Sana, ang pagiging malaya ng ating bansa ay maranasan pa ng mga susunod na henerasyon! :)
Then, we went to Book Sale. I bought SIX (6) paperback books from the store which costs PHP. 119.00. - mura 'no? ^^ .. but found out that the cashier only credited 5 of the 6 books I bought. Which saved me PHP 20.00 .. :D Kasalanan ko ba? ^^
We ate at Mang Inasal, slashed another hundred and fifty pesos at my dying savings to buy a new headphone. I encouraged Wini Da Pu to buy a headphone for her cellphone, also.
Anyways, in short, I was so tired. Really tired that I'm wondering what the hell am I doing right now? I'm so sleepy I think I'm already sleeping and typing this post in dreamland!
Happy Independence Day sa ating lahat! :)
For all the heroes who sacrificed their own lives for the benefit of the mankind, I am eternally grateful for that! Sana, ang pagiging malaya ng ating bansa ay maranasan pa ng mga susunod na henerasyon! :)
_______________________
10 June 2011
8 Days of Night
Dude, how long will my heart last? Kasi ang hirap-hirap talaga.
Kahit saan ako tumingin, hinahabol ako ng bangungot ng nagdaang mga buwan sa trabaho.
To make it simple, I didn't grab that pestering offer from Employee Relations in my work. The deal was, there were no vacant positions sa buong company and they are willing to forgive the more-than-one-week-hold-slash-delayed-process of my resignation as an absent-without-any-follow-ups-like-NTE-and-the-likes, just me-go-back-to-that-hellish-place-in-ASC-department and wait if there-would-be-any-vacant-position-so-that-my-channel-manager-would-transfer-me. But hell, I DO NOT WANT, REALLY.
So, just like that. They asked me if what are my plans. But I showed them my decision. My decision was final, pare. From the very start of typing my resignation to the point of having my exit interview. I filled-up the clearance form, said my good byes to my ID and surrendered it to Mr. Gerald, the one who handled my resignation. That's it! Wala na akong trabaho. BWAHAHAHAHA..
Siguro, kung nagbabasa ka talaga nito, mabubuang ka din sa kakaintindi sa may-ari ng blog na ito. Hehe..
Oh, by the way, it happened last June 2.. ^^
Ano na nga ba ngayon? Huwel.. hindi ko talaga alam. At ganito na nga ako mula ng araw na iyon, ay mali, mula nung gabing iyon. Kasi, alas-diyes ng gabi lang naman ako nagpunta sa ER at nag-resign.
At mula noon, gabi-gabi na akong umiiyak. Pagdating ko ng bahay that night, I cried. Really cried sa harap ni Bibz at Wini Da Pu (habang nanunuod sila ng TV). Dude, I just can't take it that moment. Mula ER, habang naglalakad ako sa lobby, sa lobby na napakaraming memories, na napakaraming pangarap na nabuo, ang lobby din na dinaanan ko ng umalis na ako.. palayo. Gosh, it was one really heart breaking scene in the very life of mine. Parang ewan lang talaga ako, tumingin ako sa kanan, kaliwa, bubong hanggang sa mismong kalsada. Pero di ako tumitingin sa mata ng mga tao, baka mahalata nilang umiiyak ako. After I passed the guard station, I stopped walking. I forgot to greet one of the kindest guard I've ever met. I told her the happenings that happened, she was so sorry about that bullshit happenings but I thanked her. Ganoon pala kapag magpapaalam ka na, kung wala lang masyadong tao noon, baka niyakap ko pa siya. Hehe..
But I realized, no matter how many mistakes you make and no matter what decisions you decide, the blessings from real people are the ones that really matter. Never in my entire life had someone blurted the words, "Go! Do what you really want. You are already free, there are so many opportunities outside here! You did what's right.. I'm so happy for you." Hey, I'm not just quoting someone, huh. She really said that words before I leave that building. As I was turning my back, the only thing that I got was a smile from her. It was also one heart breaking scene. Really.
Then I walked passed my office's building, Bldg. 5, where the RLA Group that I love and the NorCal (hell!) is. I didn't saw anyone that time, it was already passed 10 PM, the company's office time and everyone's already inside. I just looked at the entire small building outside. And then walked. Walked away as my tears started to fall. It was dark and warm outside but my insides are so cold. Empty.
And here I am, typing these happenings of my life after 8 days. Talagang hinanap ko pa ang kalendaryo namin para lang hanapin ang araw ngayon.. para sa pamagat ng post na ito. How pathetic I am, really.
Balik na naman ako sa pagiging palamunin at itutuloy ko na lang ulit ang pagma-master ko ng 'Pagiging Miserableng Tao' .. ^^
Oh 'diba? Daming naiinggit sa akin ngayon! Indefinite daw ang bakasyon ko.. pero mas maraming tao ang naaawa na lang sa akin, pati na ang sarili ko. Nakakaawa ako.. Oo, ako na ang pinakamatapang na taong nakakaawa.. :) You know, there are times na napakadali para sa atin na sabihin ang, "Okay lang," but to be honest, it takes a lot of courage to really say the words, "Okay lang," when you really mean it because you simply mean that you are already okay and what happened was on the Okay phase na. Iyon bang.. nakakamove-on ka na. Parang ako, pare, sinasabi ko na sa iyo. Wala akong balak bumalik sa pesteng NorCal na iyon. Wala talaga. Sabi ko nga kay Mr. Gerald, kung pinalad lang ako na sa ibang grupo na lang ako napunta, baka magtatagal pa ako sa company na iyon. Pero hindi eh, minalas ako. Oo, minalas ako, kasi matiyaga akong tao, marunong makisama at higit sa lahat, mayroon akong mahabang-mahaba na pasensya. Kaso, given those fucking people and situation, sometimes we should be a little smart and know when to surrender..
..now I know what being broken really feels like. It was more than a broken relationship or a stab of a knife right through your heart. It was.. cold, empty, lost.
I've learned my lessons. Oh, not the, "Sana pala nag-isip pa ako ng konti at hindi agad nag-resign!" .. No, no, no. I've learned that in order to understand things, you have to see what's really inside of it. Balancing things could be hard, but know when the right times for certain things. I've learned that still, there are really good people who can see what is right, not just right at that moment. I've also realized that you have to risk, just like a boat, they are not made to stand in the shore, they are made to sail in the ocean, that in order to see what are the after effects, you have to risk. Maybe risk EVERY thing.. decide. You have to have that kind of stand. And from them, I've know more about myself. That I'm capable of fighting to the point that I'm willing to surrender the things that are really close to my heart: my job, my friends, the opportunities, the pay check, my dreams. But then, I also realized that while I was crying inside the comfort room in our office, the rest of the world still GOING ON. That there are still possibilities that something may happen. So I made a decision, took a three-days leave, go to the mall, spent almost all of my savings, buy all the things that my savings could afford, gone to Tom's World and bought a handful of tokens and played- it was endless and I've never seen myself so happy and bold. I forget my fucking problems for a while! I went to the cinema with Mike and Jhara.. watched Kung Fu Panda 2 and bought a lot of foods, also forgetting that Mike and Jhara are mapili.. di man lang natikman iyong ibang pagkain. Quit my job and merciless sent my letter and made them wonder how on earth I did that. Anyway, I am still in the process of recovering. I cried in the bathroom for the past 8 nights, pati kanina. Regretting the fact that I've quit my job but not the people. I already said that I will regret this, and here I am. Crying over this. I wish I could get over this as soon as the sun rise later. Hihi.. But, of course it won't so.. wala akong magagawa, iiyak ako ng iiyak pero katulad nga ng naisulat ko, kaya ko ng sabihin ngayon na "Okay na ako.. really," ^^
And I don't care kung sino ang nanalo, ito pala ang mga pagkakataon sa buhay na wala ka ng pakialam kung sino ang nanalo kasi wala ka naman talagang pakialam sa umpisa pa lang. Malungkot na masaya, pero ang higit sa lahat, I still have my family and friends who stand by my side before, while, and after these happenings, and I love them. That's what more important. Now I can say, "It's okay.."
And no matter how broken I am right now, that my tears just flows like a shower without notice, I know I can surpass these.. I know because God's right here, He knows more than the knowledge of the mankind.. he will heal my broken heart soon. I do believe.. :) I even wished that these dilemma was like a guy had just dumped me, but it wasn't. I'm simply lost and broken- inside.
| Bodyslam - Sak Wan Chan Ja Dee Por .mp3 | ||
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 | Found at bee mp3 search engine |  |
Someday I'll be Good Enough - Bodyslam
Dude, how long will my heart last? Kasi ang hirap-hirap talaga.
Kahit saan ako tumingin, hinahabol ako ng bangungot ng nagdaang mga buwan sa trabaho.
To make it simple, I didn't grab that pestering offer from Employee Relations in my work. The deal was, there were no vacant positions sa buong company and they are willing to forgive the more-than-one-week-hold-slash-delayed-process of my resignation as an absent-without-any-follow-ups-like-NTE-and-the-likes, just me-go-back-to-that-hellish-place-in-ASC-department and wait if there-would-be-any-vacant-position-so-that-my-channel-manager-would-transfer-me. But hell, I DO NOT WANT, REALLY.
So, just like that. They asked me if what are my plans. But I showed them my decision. My decision was final, pare. From the very start of typing my resignation to the point of having my exit interview. I filled-up the clearance form, said my good byes to my ID and surrendered it to Mr. Gerald, the one who handled my resignation. That's it! Wala na akong trabaho. BWAHAHAHAHA..
Siguro, kung nagbabasa ka talaga nito, mabubuang ka din sa kakaintindi sa may-ari ng blog na ito. Hehe..
Oh, by the way, it happened last June 2.. ^^
Ano na nga ba ngayon? Huwel.. hindi ko talaga alam. At ganito na nga ako mula ng araw na iyon, ay mali, mula nung gabing iyon. Kasi, alas-diyes ng gabi lang naman ako nagpunta sa ER at nag-resign.
At mula noon, gabi-gabi na akong umiiyak. Pagdating ko ng bahay that night, I cried. Really cried sa harap ni Bibz at Wini Da Pu (habang nanunuod sila ng TV). Dude, I just can't take it that moment. Mula ER, habang naglalakad ako sa lobby, sa lobby na napakaraming memories, na napakaraming pangarap na nabuo, ang lobby din na dinaanan ko ng umalis na ako.. palayo. Gosh, it was one really heart breaking scene in the very life of mine. Parang ewan lang talaga ako, tumingin ako sa kanan, kaliwa, bubong hanggang sa mismong kalsada. Pero di ako tumitingin sa mata ng mga tao, baka mahalata nilang umiiyak ako. After I passed the guard station, I stopped walking. I forgot to greet one of the kindest guard I've ever met. I told her the happenings that happened, she was so sorry about that bullshit happenings but I thanked her. Ganoon pala kapag magpapaalam ka na, kung wala lang masyadong tao noon, baka niyakap ko pa siya. Hehe..
But I realized, no matter how many mistakes you make and no matter what decisions you decide, the blessings from real people are the ones that really matter. Never in my entire life had someone blurted the words, "Go! Do what you really want. You are already free, there are so many opportunities outside here! You did what's right.. I'm so happy for you." Hey, I'm not just quoting someone, huh. She really said that words before I leave that building. As I was turning my back, the only thing that I got was a smile from her. It was also one heart breaking scene. Really.
Then I walked passed my office's building, Bldg. 5, where the RLA Group that I love and the NorCal (hell!) is. I didn't saw anyone that time, it was already passed 10 PM, the company's office time and everyone's already inside. I just looked at the entire small building outside. And then walked. Walked away as my tears started to fall. It was dark and warm outside but my insides are so cold. Empty.
And here I am, typing these happenings of my life after 8 days. Talagang hinanap ko pa ang kalendaryo namin para lang hanapin ang araw ngayon.. para sa pamagat ng post na ito. How pathetic I am, really.
Balik na naman ako sa pagiging palamunin at itutuloy ko na lang ulit ang pagma-master ko ng 'Pagiging Miserableng Tao' .. ^^
Oh 'diba? Daming naiinggit sa akin ngayon! Indefinite daw ang bakasyon ko.. pero mas maraming tao ang naaawa na lang sa akin, pati na ang sarili ko. Nakakaawa ako.. Oo, ako na ang pinakamatapang na taong nakakaawa.. :) You know, there are times na napakadali para sa atin na sabihin ang, "Okay lang," but to be honest, it takes a lot of courage to really say the words, "Okay lang," when you really mean it because you simply mean that you are already okay and what happened was on the Okay phase na. Iyon bang.. nakakamove-on ka na. Parang ako, pare, sinasabi ko na sa iyo. Wala akong balak bumalik sa pesteng NorCal na iyon. Wala talaga. Sabi ko nga kay Mr. Gerald, kung pinalad lang ako na sa ibang grupo na lang ako napunta, baka magtatagal pa ako sa company na iyon. Pero hindi eh, minalas ako. Oo, minalas ako, kasi matiyaga akong tao, marunong makisama at higit sa lahat, mayroon akong mahabang-mahaba na pasensya. Kaso, given those fucking people and situation, sometimes we should be a little smart and know when to surrender..
..now I know what being broken really feels like. It was more than a broken relationship or a stab of a knife right through your heart. It was.. cold, empty, lost.
I've learned my lessons. Oh, not the, "Sana pala nag-isip pa ako ng konti at hindi agad nag-resign!" .. No, no, no. I've learned that in order to understand things, you have to see what's really inside of it. Balancing things could be hard, but know when the right times for certain things. I've learned that still, there are really good people who can see what is right, not just right at that moment. I've also realized that you have to risk, just like a boat, they are not made to stand in the shore, they are made to sail in the ocean, that in order to see what are the after effects, you have to risk. Maybe risk EVERY thing.. decide. You have to have that kind of stand. And from them, I've know more about myself. That I'm capable of fighting to the point that I'm willing to surrender the things that are really close to my heart: my job, my friends, the opportunities, the pay check, my dreams. But then, I also realized that while I was crying inside the comfort room in our office, the rest of the world still GOING ON. That there are still possibilities that something may happen. So I made a decision, took a three-days leave, go to the mall, spent almost all of my savings, buy all the things that my savings could afford, gone to Tom's World and bought a handful of tokens and played- it was endless and I've never seen myself so happy and bold. I forget my fucking problems for a while! I went to the cinema with Mike and Jhara.. watched Kung Fu Panda 2 and bought a lot of foods, also forgetting that Mike and Jhara are mapili.. di man lang natikman iyong ibang pagkain. Quit my job and merciless sent my letter and made them wonder how on earth I did that. Anyway, I am still in the process of recovering. I cried in the bathroom for the past 8 nights, pati kanina. Regretting the fact that I've quit my job but not the people. I already said that I will regret this, and here I am. Crying over this. I wish I could get over this as soon as the sun rise later. Hihi.. But, of course it won't so.. wala akong magagawa, iiyak ako ng iiyak pero katulad nga ng naisulat ko, kaya ko ng sabihin ngayon na "Okay na ako.. really," ^^
And I don't care kung sino ang nanalo, ito pala ang mga pagkakataon sa buhay na wala ka ng pakialam kung sino ang nanalo kasi wala ka naman talagang pakialam sa umpisa pa lang. Malungkot na masaya, pero ang higit sa lahat, I still have my family and friends who stand by my side before, while, and after these happenings, and I love them. That's what more important. Now I can say, "It's okay.."
And no matter how broken I am right now, that my tears just flows like a shower without notice, I know I can surpass these.. I know because God's right here, He knows more than the knowledge of the mankind.. he will heal my broken heart soon. I do believe.. :) I even wished that these dilemma was like a guy had just dumped me, but it wasn't. I'm simply lost and broken- inside.
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap!
~ Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics"
_____________________________
07 June 2011
A clever story:
A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke. Everybody laughed like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke again. Less people laughed. He cracked the same joke over and over again until there's no laughter in the crowd. Then, he smiled and said:
You can't laugh on the same joke again and again. Why keep crying on the same thing over and over again?
Lesson?
Learn to move on....
______________________
06 June 2011
03 June 2011
Day Month Year
- A Crazy Little Thing Called Love, OST
wan jan chun koy yu
ang karn kor koy doo
doo doo wa ther pen ngai
put ther kor mai mar
chao saai kor mai mee
paruehat wang plao
chorus1:
sook rue sao rue wa ar-thit
mai mee wan nai maikid thueang
mai mee wan nai tee ther ja yorn ma
su wan gao gao kong rao
wan tee chun jer ther
wan tee dai klai gun
wan tee rao jong mue
wan tee chun rak ther
wan tee chun pood pai
wan tee ther rub fung
chorus2:
eek nan mai chun kor mai roo
eek gee duean rue ja eek pee
gee muean pun larn kwam song jum tee mee
mai keuy mai kid thueang ther
ulang shand nadanya pertama :
mokkaara kor yaw mnan
goompa kor luean larng
mee na kor yung luean loy
mesa kor ron lon
pusapa kor took ton
mithuna wang plao
chorus2 ulang shand
ang karn kor koy doo
doo doo wa ther pen ngai
put ther kor mai mar
chao saai kor mai mee
paruehat wang plao
chorus1:
sook rue sao rue wa ar-thit
mai mee wan nai maikid thueang
mai mee wan nai tee ther ja yorn ma
su wan gao gao kong rao
wan tee chun jer ther
wan tee dai klai gun
wan tee rao jong mue
wan tee chun rak ther
wan tee chun pood pai
wan tee ther rub fung
chorus2:
eek nan mai chun kor mai roo
eek gee duean rue ja eek pee
gee muean pun larn kwam song jum tee mee
mai keuy mai kid thueang ther
ulang shand nadanya pertama :
mokkaara kor yaw mnan
goompa kor luean larng
mee na kor yung luean loy
mesa kor ron lon
pusapa kor took ton
mithuna wang plao
chorus2 ulang shand
****
(English Translation)
On Monday, I was waiting
Tuesday, I was anticipating
Wednesday, morning to evening
Wondering why you were still missing
No hope for Thursday...
Friday, Saturday or Sunday
I still missing you even when it's weekend
But noway that you've come back to be like our old days.
The day I met you. The day we got close. The day we held hands.
The day I loved you. The day I told you. The day you listened.
I don't know how long this feeling will last (through months and years)
But these millions memories would never disappear...
I never been not missing you
January suddenly seemed to last for too long
February, that was when my hope was nearly gone
In March, my heart turned out so fond
April feel worry, May is still suffering, June seems to be empty.
Tuesday, I was anticipating
Wednesday, morning to evening
Wondering why you were still missing
No hope for Thursday...
Friday, Saturday or Sunday
I still missing you even when it's weekend
But noway that you've come back to be like our old days.
The day I met you. The day we got close. The day we held hands.
The day I loved you. The day I told you. The day you listened.
I don't know how long this feeling will last (through months and years)
But these millions memories would never disappear...
I never been not missing you
January suddenly seemed to last for too long
February, that was when my hope was nearly gone
In March, my heart turned out so fond
April feel worry, May is still suffering, June seems to be empty.
____________________________-
02 June 2011
A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (First Love)
Here's the trailer..
Just finished watching this movie last night. OMG, I don't know what to say! I guess, nakapasyal ako sa Thailand! Hehe.. Oh, this is a Thai Movie.. :)
Sing Lek Lek Thee Riak Wa Ruk also Crazy Little Thing Called Love), is about a schoolgirl and her undying crush on the school’s heartthrob jock, portrayed by Mario Maurer.
The girl, named Nam, played by Pimchanok Luevisetpaibool, is at first an ugly duckling nerd with glasses. Over one summer, she ditches the spectacles and has her skin lightened. She is cast as Snow White in the school play and lands a spot as the leggy drum majorette leading the marching band. She sets hearts aflutter, but not, it seems, the school’s soccer star.
- via Gelang Hitam
I love the protagonists of the story, as well as the really good timings of comedic moves. Ibang-iba! Galing! Ngayon lang yata ulit ako humanga sa isang movie na kwento ng bawat isa sa atin, though medyo bitin ang ending, (I read na baka may Part 2!) eh oks na din. Tsaka iyong character ni Top.. nakakakilig siya! Ahaha..
Anyways, panoorin niyo ng malaman niyo kung bakit hanggang pagtulog, naiisip ko ang bawat eksena ng movie na ito.. :D
:)
___________________________
On this day of your life, Elleine, we believe God wants you to know ... that every little part of you is magical.
Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''
- via Facebook
____________________
01 June 2011
Maze
I'm not sure if I'm happy right now. I think, I am. Not because I got back to the most normal pace of life I had before. Things that happened for the past months had changed me. The more I take a good rest, the more I think clear. I really don't have any idea, though. I bought a guitar, mp3 player and a nice headphone. I took a three-days leave and made a long letter for our BU at work. Told everything that happened and not asking for anything in return. I quit my job and gone to Munting Buhangin after that.. and the best part was.. spending the money I earn really makes me happy. Then I guess, I am happy.
To be honest, I don't know where my life will go.. what path am I really gonna take because I DO NOT see one. I just see it as an endless road with no one to be with.. and nowhere to go. Just like saying, "Go with the flow," But I feel the freedom, and I know.. whether I have a job or don't, finished school or not, go to church or never, and earn a lot of money or become a miserable for a long time doesn't really matter.
Sa buhay ko.. napakaraming desisyon ang pinagsisihan ko. Nagkamali ako ng maraming beses at gagawa pa ng marami pang pagkakamali. Ang utak ko ay hindi gumagana tulad ng isang normal na taong may pangarap..
Pero higit sa lahat.. sa kabila ng hindi mabilang na pagkakamali.. may mga desisyon akong ginawa sa buhay ko na nagpatibay sa paniniwala kong.. "Kaya ko pala." ..
I'm not sure if I'm happy right now. I think, I am. Not because I got back to the most normal pace of life I had before. Things that happened for the past months had changed me. The more I take a good rest, the more I think clear. I really don't have any idea, though. I bought a guitar, mp3 player and a nice headphone. I took a three-days leave and made a long letter for our BU at work. Told everything that happened and not asking for anything in return. I quit my job and gone to Munting Buhangin after that.. and the best part was.. spending the money I earn really makes me happy. Then I guess, I am happy.
To be honest, I don't know where my life will go.. what path am I really gonna take because I DO NOT see one. I just see it as an endless road with no one to be with.. and nowhere to go. Just like saying, "Go with the flow," But I feel the freedom, and I know.. whether I have a job or don't, finished school or not, go to church or never, and earn a lot of money or become a miserable for a long time doesn't really matter.
Sa buhay ko.. napakaraming desisyon ang pinagsisihan ko. Nagkamali ako ng maraming beses at gagawa pa ng marami pang pagkakamali. Ang utak ko ay hindi gumagana tulad ng isang normal na taong may pangarap..
Pero higit sa lahat.. sa kabila ng hindi mabilang na pagkakamali.. may mga desisyon akong ginawa sa buhay ko na nagpatibay sa paniniwala kong.. "Kaya ko pala." ..
Dahil sa kabila ng mga bagay na pilit nating ipinaglalaban sa bawat araw..
Sa bawat dahilan ng ating puso para magpatuloy..
Kung minsan, nasusukat ang tibay ng isang tao sa kung ano ang handa niyang bitawan sa gitna ng isang laban.
___________