making a million mistakes.

 “I tried to make a sound but no one hears me…”,

I heard that line in the song Untitled by… uhm, I forgot the band’s name, err. Anyway, noong narinig ko ang kantang iyon na pinapatugtog sa radio ng hindi ko alam na istasyon - kanina lang, mga tanghali habang naghuhugas ako ng mga plato, nagpapatugtog siguro ung mahilig kumanta na kapitbahay namin na ang likod-bahay ay likod-bahay din namin. Kumbaga, pader lang ang pagitan pero iyong pader medyo mababa kaya dinig kapag may tao sa kabila. Noong narinig ko iyon, wala lang, lagi ko naman yun naririnig sa radyo kaso hindi ko lang alam ang lyrics.  Maya-maya, nagbago ang kanta biglang naging “It’s my life” ni Bon Jovi pero ‘di ko din naman kabisado iyong lyrics ng kantang iyon. Ang tumatak lang sa akin na mga linya eh… “It’s my life and it’s now or never… I just wanna live while I’m alive… Like Frankie said ‘I did it my way’… it’s my life…”Ano nga ba’ng meron sa mga linya na ito at ano na naman ang dinadaldal ko dito? May pagkakapareho sila. Noong narinig ko ang mga kantang ito, halos hindi ako makagalaw, nakikinig lang ako, inaabsorb bawat linyang di ko masyadong maintindihan (English kasi) na para bang may mamaw na nasa harap ko at sinasabi sa akin mga linyang iyon na parang isinisigaw sa mga tenga ko. Gets nyo? Hindi? Tonto! 

“That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feeling under…
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feeling down…”

“I tell you these stories because these things happen to everyone. It’s not about being starched or polished or cute or polite. It’s about having ears that stick out. About breaking yet another glass. It’s about seeing something for the first time and making a million mistakes and not ever getting completely discouraged.” ____________________

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w.r.e.t.c.h.e.d

I can no longer live the life I had ‘cause its killing me; and I realized I should change my ways. The surrounding and the thoughts I had kills me, like chopping me into pieces that it was, really, hard to breathe. The people that surround me never want me to become fully realized individual; always wanting to hold the miserable one back. And I became lost. Realizing this is not my dream, this was her path, not what I chose, but what has been chosen for me. But still I’m lost and now forced to watch other who were not afraid of taking that chance; others who pushed through the fear and, even though it may lead to places unknown, or may hurt them in the future, still took the chance. I feel I’m trapped, grounded and bleeding as well. I’m not only trapped into this position, but also injured and unable to recover. Being grounded has injured me, ‘cause me to bleed. I guess I can no longer complete my dream. I felt I had missed my chance. The harsh realities of life, the lack of hope, and the loss of even the simplest joys in life kills me, as if my faith is too weak to fix it. I guess I should try to take the opportunities now, take those chances now, ‘cause I feel, surely, it’s not too late. I have to speak up if I get a chance, deciding in my dream, rather than pleasing others, I may have been happy and not have had this burden and suppressed misery.

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Aha!

wala..
napadaan lang..

inis ako ngaun eh..
ung pera ko halos maubos!

napadaan kasi ako sa supermarket..
tamang-tama nakita ko agad ung mga panlinis sa banyo..
aun.. katangahan..
bumili ako ng mga wala sa hulog na panlinis ng cr.. hehe..
tapos halos umabot ako ng 400 pesos! jusko..

kaya bago pa maubos pera ko.. binili ko na ang sinadya ko sa mall..
ung Flute.. :)
syempre dahil wala na akong pera.. ung pinaka mura na binili ko.. amp..

tapos napadaan din ako sa St. Pauls.. actually.. dun talaga ako bumibili ng mga pam-banal.. ehe.. Ü

kasi medyo low-spirited ako ngaun at parang kailangan ko ng tulong kaya bumili ako ng bracelet na may Cross and a simple message. - God is Good - which really touch me. Imagine, after all this trials and struggles, still God is good! :)
well.. naiipon at makikita pa ang pera.. pero ang fullness ko that moment when I bought my new flute and this beautiful bracelet makes me think that... happiness is a choice! So that I put my money on the things that would make me happy kahit medyo mahal - mahal na iyon para sa akin - hehe ..

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